Not-So-Normal Mom

I can be very judgemental at times. I know this about myself, and I accept it. I can't say that it is something that I'm working on because really, it is just who I am.

When you are my friend, I love you fiercely, and I would do anything to protect you. However, if you hurt me, I can be angry and vengeful with equal ferocity. At the same time, I get over things quickly. My emotions are worn all over me, and I'm not good at hiding what I'm thinking or feeling.

I guess the reason why I am spilling all of this out is because I often say what I'm thinking or write it out. It's not that I don't think before I speak; that's not it. I do think about it, and what comes out is what I truly feel. I know that I can hurt people sometimes, but I would expect those close to me to tell me when I'm doing something stupid.

My mom asked me once why I have a blog, and she commented the other day that I wouldn't put all of this out on the internet if I didn't want people to read it. I guess that's true. I have this blog to vent, and to connect to others who are venting. When I post about things that are happening, I expect people to comment, either favorably or inauspiciously. I don't expect everyone to agree with me. That would be silly. But I do hope that, whether you agree with me or not, you keep coming back. Dialogue is what makes people think, and that is so effing important.
Peace Out,
Mom

My oldest has decided to run cross country this year instead of football, which makes me very happy. He is very fast, and his body is made for running.

Everyday, when he gets home from practice, we ask him if he has any homework, and to that, his usual reply is "no." Yesterday, I asked to see his binders. Then, I told him that I would be emailing his instructors to check on his progress. At that point, he broke down and started to cry. He said that he is having problems in his second year Spanish class, and is just not understanding. He was afraid to tell us. That sucks. I told him that we just want him to succeed, and we want to make it possible for him to do that. I recommended that he go to his counselor tomorrow and ask if he can move down to Spanish 1-2. He's afraid that if they make the change, they will change all of his classes and he won't be in classes with his friends anymore. I can understand that, since it is his first year of high school and would definitely be stressful if he was alone in that big school.

I wanted to go to the school on his behalf and talk to the counselor myself, but he wanted to do it himself first. The next step is me going over there. I hope that this works out for him. His tears made me sad and brought back my high school issues. It sucks to be a teenager.
Peace Out,
Mom

My little man (kinder) has so much homework that we are doing it for at least two hours every day after school. He has an albhabet workbook that he has to color and cut out pictures from magazines for every day-one letter each day. He also has a homework packet that is sent home on Monday and due Friday. This packet consists of 11 worksheets that vary in activities from cutting/coloring to writing. He also has a family activity that is due every other week. He also has a book that he checks out every week from the library, which comes with specific instructions for us to do with him each day. Now, I am not against homework. I like doing homework with him; I really do. However, he is just a little dude. I don't think that this much homework is necessary in kinder, especially since he is only in class half day-three hours. We are doing more work at home than they are doing in class. It really is time-consuming. Am I being a bad mom because I am complaining about sitting at the homework table for three hours every afternoon? Or does anyone else think this is A LOT of homework for a five year old????
Peace Out,
Mom

Remember...On the weekends, I work at my sister's dog grooming business in Downtown San Diego. This is just another day at the office...

I bought a Dell computer about a year ago. I am somewhat satisfied with my computer, but my battery started just freaking out right as my warranty is set to expire in two weeks. I decided to go with the tech support online option tonight when I got home from work. And to my utter surprise, they are sending me a new battery! Wow! I have been dealing with them with another issue for about a year now, and I pretty much hate them, so this is a nice surprise. Seriously. I hate them so much that when a rep calls my house, I tell them how much their company sucks and that "no, I don't want to renew my warranty because Dell is an awful company who doesn't deserve one more red cent of my hard earned money because you are all awful people who work for an awful company. I hate you all!!!!" But really, I', glad they were helpful this time and will be sending me a new battery in 2-3 working days.
Peace Out,
Mom

So...I'm having issues with the layout. I changed it again, and now when I try to change it to a third-party html layout, an error code comes up. I am frustrated.

Update:
I think I've settled on this one. At least it got up okay, right? Whatever. I'm done playing with it for a while. It took up too much of my time because I was pretty much obsessed with it. ;-)
Peace Out,
Mom

They are doing construction in the intersection in front of my condo complex. I can only turn right now, which is a total pain in the ass. Also, there is a blinking red light where the stoplight used to be. Now, I assumed that everyone knew that the blinking red means that you treat it like a stop sign. You stop, and then proceed. Every single g'damn day, I am amazed at the people who breeze through it without even slowing down. And accident is inevitable.
Peace Out,
Mom

My mother in law will be coming for a visit in a couple of weeks. This is her first visit out here in about three years-since we got married, and her first trip out alone. She hasn't made the trip out here since my father in law passed away two years ago. We know now that when he came out here, he already knew he was sick. At the time, no one knew. So he came out here, and his health began to decline, so he cut his trip short and went home. He died three months later. I think she connects his illness and his trip out here. I hope her trip goes well. I hope we all get along. I'm sure it will be fine. Really. *sigh*
Peace Out,
Mom

Please be patient with me. I was trying something new. I didn't like the blogger layouts, and I don't know any html, so I'm just goofing off. Let me know what you think. I don't like how the text sits right next to the border in the posts, but I'm not sure how to fix it. What do you think? Do you hate it? Honestly. Let me know what you think. I think it might be a little too my-spacey.
Peace Out,
Mom

On the weekends, I work for my sister at her dog grooming place downtown. Yesterday, we decided that my dog needed a makeover, so we jazzed her up a bit. Now, before I start getting hate mail...it is a temporary pet dye, intended for pet use and very safe. It will be gone in about two weeks. Don't worry. But really, doesn't she look pretty cool??? :-)

AND, last night, my little man lost his first tooth while eating an apple. We had been waiting for days for it to come out, so we are sooo excited! :-) Isn't he cute? Coincidentally, tomorrow is his very first school picture day. Awesome!

The highlight of my Missouri-aka Misery-trip was the trip to the St Louis Arch. It was very interesting, and I can now check it off of my list of things to do. To get to the top, you have to ride in a little pod that feels very much like an escape pod from a "Star Trek" episode. It only seats 5 people-snugly. If you are claustrophobic, it isn't a good place to be, as it takes four long minutes to get to the top. However, it was a lovely view from the top-I could see the Mississippi river, the ballpark, and their county building. Anyway, been there, done that.

I want one. I have reached that age where my biological clock is taking its final turn. I just want one more. My hubby does want one, but says that we can't afford it. Logically, I know he's right. We work hard enough. We are in a recession for God's sake. BUT, when we can afford it-because there will be a time when we can-we will be too old. Or my eggs will be too old.

There are babies everywhere! Everywhere I go they are just cooing at me, and willing me to make one to join them in their baby games. Yeah, I'm delirious.

I saw a woman on the plane with her newborn son, and she was staring down at him while he was staring up at her with that intense baby stare. That baby stare that says "You are it. You are the only person in the world that I love." Complete adoration. No, it's not that I need that. I have a whole lot of love coming at me, really. I just feel like I have more love to put out. Damn this biological clock ticking in my ear!

Peace Out,
Mom

Well, I got back Tuesday night. It was a very interesting trip. Like I said, I went for my dad,so I did accomplish that. My aunt did indeed wear another pair of bootie shorts and another tank top to the funeral and cemetery. But this time, she wore some closed-toed shoes. Such class! Two of my uncles wore jeans, and one of them had his shirt unbuttoned just about to the navel. All that was missing was the gold chain. AND, the man kept flirting with my sister and I. His nieces. He is the father of over a dozen childern that he has no contact with. Yeah, a real winner. And gross. I kept hearing banjos playing in my head. It was just one thing after another.

Now, I need to also say that I love the country. I love the simple life and I respect people that live on the land and work with their hands. However, please don't live up to every hick stereotype that city folk put out there.

It was over a hundred degrees and 94 percent humidity the whole time we were there, so when I got home, I had never been so happy.

More stories to come. :-)

Peace Out,
Mom

My granddad died a few days ago. He was my dad's father. When my mom called to tell me, she described how sad that my dad was. It was at that point that I knew I had to go to Missouri with him. My mom and dad flew out Saturday morning, and my sister and I flew out Saturday afternoon. After a layover in Phoenix, my sister and I arrived in St Louis with a three hour drive ahead of us. Thank God there was a White Castle open all night, since we arrived at midnight and had an issue at the car rental place. So we started our journey at 1am. We got to the hotel at about 4am, and slept only until about 8:30. The viewing and masonic ceremony was yesterday, and the funeral is today. It is always interesting being around this family because we never see any of them. And really, I was somewhat disowned when I had a baby with a black man and married him. Noone is saying anything outright, but I know its there. I keep reminding myself that I am here for my father, and that's it. But there's a small part of me that wants to hit someone. I'll write later about my aunt who wore bootie shorts, a white shirt, and glittery flip-flops to the viewing and ceremony. Yeah, wow.
Peace Out,
Mom

Yesterday was his first day of Kinder, but the parents stayed all day. Today, he went all on his own. Wow. I didn't cry like I did when my oldest went to Kinder. Maybe I'm an old veteran now. I got this school seperation anxiety down. It wasn't until I was driving away in the minivan that I realized that the van was so very big and empty. And I also felt so silly talking to myself.
Peace Out,
Mom

Today, MO and MM went back to school. MO went to his first day of high school, and MM went to his first day of middle school. Tomorrow will be the first day of kindergarten for Little Man. This is a busy back-to-school time for our family with a lot of transitions for us to work out, which is why I took the summer off from the Writing Center. We have to figure out what our schedules are going to look like and how we are going to handle it. I really wanted to keep little man out of daycare this year. However, that's going to be pretty hard. Here in wonderful San Diego, kinder is still only half a day. He will be going to the afternoon class, which means he goes from about 11-2. Not too long, right? I need to get my schedule at the Writing Center worked out so that I can drop him off, and work for a while, and be home for the big boys. My wonderful husband did homework with them all last year and I think he's a bit burned out. I'm better at that sort of thing. ;-)
Anyway, I'm trying to not worry about the big boys at their new big schools. I really hope MM makes friends. Psychologists say that the most difficult transition for kids is the one between elementary school and middle school. They are going from a small group of kids that they've known for 7 years to a huge pool of kids from all around. Ugh! Still, I'll try not to worry too much. :-I
Peace Out,
Mom

The fair was pretty fun. My hubby and I took the little man over to ride a few rides in the kiddie area and then we looked at the exhibits and ate a few fattening things. The fair food is so effing good; it's ridiculous. I probably clogged a couple of arteries. We let the four big boys run amok in the ride area and checked on them periodically. It was pay-one-price day, which means you p;ay 30 bucks a piece and ride all of the rides. They had a great time. I figured that it was better to let them run around and ride than be subjected to watching them ride those ridiculously scary rides. :-)
Like I said in the last post, I knew that I would be picking up our little visiting friend on Monday. I did, and we still have him. I'm taking them to the beach in about 10 minutes. We also have an extra boy. So again, I have five boys. I must like to abuse myself. D informed me Monday morning that he's moving back here. He says that his dad hits him and his mom said that he could move back. I'm so glad that he's moving back, but I'm so sad that he has to volley between two bad choices. WTF??? His mom doesn't live in a very good part of town. I proposed to my husband that he stay with us Monday through Friday so that he can get a good, safe education. I don't think my husband wants to think about it. We are struggling with a huge mortgage and feeding these growing boys as it is. I just wish I could do more for him. I feel like it's my job. I don't know, maybe something will come to me.
Peace Out,
Mom

I took five boys to the fair today. I'm so weary.

The boy who is visiting from Chicago will be staying with us at least through Saturday. When we called his mom this morning to ask her when she wanted him home, she said we could keep him until we got sick of him. I told her that we wouldn't get sick of him, but we would be dropping him off Saturday because I have to work this weekend. I will be picking him up again Monday morning because if I don't, she wil take him to daycare. It makes me sad for him, but I'm glad to have him. He's pretty awesome.
Peace Out,
Mom

Today, I have five boys in my home. I will still have those boys when I take them to the County Fair tomorrow for "Pay One Price Day." One of them is a boy from our old apartments that often comes to visit. His mom said it was too hard to raise him, so she shipped him off to Chicago to stay with his dad. When he comes back to San Diego to visit, he calls us when his plane lands and is usually at our house within a day of arriving. He then usually spends most of the time at my house. I love him. I have told my husband many times that I would adopt him if I could. I picked him up last night. He arrived Monday morning and spent Monday and Tuesday in daycare. He is 12, almost 13. His mother kept his little brother living at home, so she sent D to the same daycare that his little brother is at while she's at work. She didn't take any time off from work. WTF???? He comes about every six months or so, and every time, she doesn't take time off from work. When he's here, she doesn't call to see how he is, and she always expresses gratitude. When he's not here, I have passed her in the halls at the college, and she pretends that she doesn't know me.
I know that I am not a perfect mom. Believe me, I know. I screw up. However, I can't imagine shipping my son off and then not taking time off when he visits. It makes my heart hurt.
The other boy lives across the way and his mom works a lot. So he is here every day and a lot of nights. He calls me mom. I kinda love him, too.
I always wanted more kids-I just didn't realize that they would come to me as boys, on the brink of manhood. I want them all to grow up to be responsible, loving men. I feel a responsibility to all of them to teach them the importance of education and responsibility. I want them to know that it is important to love and care for each other. It's hard being a woman in a sea of burdgeoning testosterone.
Peace Out,
Mom

"Expressions I Question"

In your own words:

"You hear it in classrooms. And courtrooms. They'll say, 'Tell us...in your own words...' Do you have your own words? Personally, I'm using the ones everybody else has been using. Next time they tell you to say something in your own words, say, 'Nigflot blorny quando floon.'"

We are always late. My husband is more guilty of this than I am, although he would probably argue. I am tardy for things when it is not important to be on time. He is tardy when it is important. He is late going to the movies, and other things that have a set start time. I am late when we are supposed to be somewhere at a time that ends in "-ish". Tonight, we were supposed to go to the movies with my family. My dad was very excited about seeing "Get Smart" because he loved the TV show. It started at 8. It is now after 8 and my husband is still not home. He thought we could get in after it started. On a Friday night. The night the movie came out. Riiight. So we are not going. The kids are disappointed, and so am I. Maybe I am just tired because I worked all day and came home to dishes overflowing in the sink. Whatever.
Peace Out,
Mom

ps. There is nothing worse than an overflowing sink full of dishes where someone has dumped the wet coffee grounds in the sink. Icky.

What can I say about the men in my life???




Growing up, I was in a female-dominated world. It was my sister and I and my mom, and then there was my dad. I know that he was sick of the period talk, the emotional roller-coasters, and the boy-crazy teenagers in his house. My dad wasn't always able to express himself, and I remember one time when I was younger, after he told me to do something, I told him that his voice sounded like finger nails on a chalk board and I didn't want him to talk to me anymore. For a week or so, he didn't talk to me; he left post-it notes all over the house. It made me crazy! Yeah, I missed his voice. So even if he didn't always act conventionally, he always taught me something. He taught me that learning and knowledge were important and he encouraged me to find the fun in the pursuit of the answer. When I went through some of the hardest times in my life, he was just there. He didn't intervene, but made me learn it on my own. I love my dad. He is such a great man. He is a wonderful father-in-law and an awesome "boompa."

Now, my honey. I know that since his father passed away, father's day is especially hard. It breaks my heart. I hope that he knows that he is everything that his father wanted him to be. Not just because he is a great businessman, but also because he is a fantastic husband and father. Even though he is very tired, he helps the boys with their homework and takes time to play. He takes the boys to the park and stays up in their rooms with them to watch them master their video games. He is firm and strong, and the boys are so very lucky to have them in their lives. He provides everything that they need and he is the reason why they will all grow up to be awesome men.

Happy Father's Day to the men who enrich my life everyday. I love you!

Peace out,
Mom

Yesterday was our third wedding anniversary. We rock!

I've known him since I was 16 or 17. I first saw him when I went to meet my mom for lunch at work. He was going up the escalator and my mom said "See that guy? Stay away from him."

Yeah, that pretty much encouraged me to find out what she was talking about. I got hired at the department dtore for the Christmas season when I was 17. When I turned 18, and he was 26, we had a fling. It didn't last too long, and we both moved on.

I moved on to my not-so-wonderful ex-husband and had two kids. After suffering in that relationship for about four years, I moved back home with my two very young sons and got a job at the same department store, but at a different mall. There, I ran into J running a coffee shop. We started dating soon after and took it real slow with the boys.

We've lived together now for over five years, and we have another little man added to the mix. He is an awesome husband and an amazing father.

Like any marriage, we've gone through a lot of crap together. We have even pissed each other off quite a few times. It's not easy all of the time, but most of the time it is. I love, love, love him. He makes me so happy and I am having such a great time experiencing this chaotic life with him.

Happy Anniversary to us!

Peace Out,
Mom

What to say about my mom...

My mom pretty much rocks. She's pretty, smart, and funny. She is very fair-minded, even though when I was younger I shouted "That's not fair!" at her enough times! ;-) She makes me laugh. She's a great grandma to the brood of loud boys, and she almost always has purse-candy. ;-)

When I was younger, and going through those teenage years, we fought. Not because she was mean, but because she wanted to keep me safe. It took getting older and having kids of my own to realize that she was right.

When I was pregnant the first time, I was very young and the father of my baby was an idiot with no job and really, not very much hope. My mom was crying, and I was angry because she was crying. I wanted her to be happy about the baby. I will never forget what she told me that night. She said "for the rest of your life, this is your baby. He will leave, but the baby will always be yours." At the time, I was filled with righteous indignation. Now, I realize that she was right.

When you become a mother, that baby is yours. No matter what. It is amazing to me that I feel that momma tiger come out so often when I feel my cubs are in danger. I know that my mom felt that when she heard that I was pregnant. She wanted to protect me from what she knew was coming.

Of course, it all worked out. Now, I'm married to a great guy and my mom really loves him. So really, I rarely see that momma tiger come out in her anymore. ;-)

On this day, I also think about two years ago when I almost lost my mom. When my dad called to say that she was going to the ICU, I scrambled to get dressed and rush off to the hospital. My husband was on his way to the house, and I was trying to get it together so that I could drive up to the hospital. As I was getting ready, I found myself putting on jewelry that she gave me. I realized that I was putting all of these things on as some sort of amulet to protect me, or to protect her, or maybe to link us in some way. I wanted her to be protected, and I thought that if I could just find the one thing that would work, everything would be okay. I know, it's strange. On the way to the hospital I realized that it would be hypocritical of me to ask God to save her. At the time, I hadn't been to church in quite some time and I didn't want to be the kind of person that only looked to God in times of trouble. All I could do through the tears was look up at the sky and just say "please. No."

She made it through and is back to her old self; and I like her. Through all of this, I learned what life is about. It's about living for today and spending time with the people you love. You unever know what's going to happen!

Anyway...all of this to say that my mom is awesome, and I really don't know what I would do without her. We don't always agree, but in the end, does that even matter? I love her so much. What I learned from her is that once you have a child, everything in your life is done for that child. Everything.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom. And Thanks.

Peace Out,
Mom

This picture is hilarious to me because he is horrified of spiders. He is so horrified of spiders that he will not enter the bathroom if there is one in the corner: He'll go upstairs to the bathroom instead. The mean voice in my heads wants to blow this picture up and hang it on his wall, then he would be scared of himself. I think that would be so very funny. ;-)
Peace Out,
Mom

Is it a coincidence that the price of gas is going up astronomically high at the same time that the government is sending out checks to stimulate the economy? Hmmmmm...

Just a little conspiracy theory to get you thinking...

Peace Out,
Mom

So MO's birthday was the end of last month. We didn't make a big deal about it because last year was the big 13, and this year, he just wanted a couple of friends over to swim and eat pizza. So that's what we did! The boys were pretty good. My son is now 14 and just on the edge of boy and young man. His voice is so deep, and he is as tall as I am. He's so helpful and witty...he's really damn sarcastic, but it's great. I look at him and I remember when he was born. I remember all of my hopes and dreams for myself being poured in to this little man. I am so proud of him. He could do better in school, of course, but overall, he is pretty darn great.
When he was born, my sister had the local radio station play "Here Comes the Sun" by the Beatles and every year, I play it on his birthday. Every time I hear that song, I think of him and all of the wonderful things that make him such a great guy. So Happy Birthday my big man. You make me so very proud.
Peace Out,
Mom

It is what it is....


This is my least favorite phrase because I know someone who overused it and used it incorrectly. I feel that this phrase should only be used when it really is an unchangeable situation. If it is something that can be changed and should be changed, then we shouldn't just shrug our shoulders and say basically, "oh well!" Say, for example, that your husband is abusing you...this is not the time to say...

It is what it is....

Or for example, when you are failing a class because you aren't doing your homework. This is not a time to say...

It is what it is....

When it is raining, this is, indeed, a time to say...

It is what it is...

Because, in fact, you can not change the situation.

I'm just tired of people shrugging their shoulders at things that should be changed.

Peace Out,
Mom

It is what it is.

What does that mean, exactly? I think too many people are saying this, and to quote one of the best movies of all time (Princess Bride): "I don't think it means what you think it means."

Peace Out,
Mom

In the last post, I said that the other company got the recommendation from the ASO (Associated Student Organization) and they were moving forward with it. After doing a little research, we found out that it had to go before, and be approved by, the student Senate before it went on to the Governing Board. Well, after the students started hearing about it, and people expressed the distaste for what was happening, a grassroots movement built up on campus. Over 1,200 signatures were collected on my husband's behalf. We went down to the Senate meeting with the collected sigatures, and amazing amount of supporters, to give a speech and stop the vote of approval from being accepted by the Senate. After my husband read the speech that we wrote, and after I read comments about my husband that were posted about my husband on the school newspaper's site, and after all of us were crying a bit, the Senate voted to NOT accept the recommendation of the ASO.

Of course, that means the process may start all over again. We are kind of in a waiting game to see what happens now. The ASO has the option to either start all over again or just pick us. I don't have very much faith in them just picking us because I think their little egos are bruised. However, now I now what not only my husband and I are capable of, but what our student, staff, and faculty supporters are capable of. Now, the students and everyone else on campus are aware of what is going on, and they will have a voice in the process. I have hope again.

The most important thing that happened out of all of this is that we are so very proud of our friends. This was a very heartwarming experience. All of their support was amazing and that's why there were so many tears at the meeting. Just looking around and seeing all of those faces of people who love us was just so very powerful. It really felt good. Now, we are just hoping that the ASO makes the right decision next time.

Peace Out,
Mom

So...
The business fell through. We took a huge risk, and it didn't work out. We are going to generate a petition, and that's really all we can do at this point. This is an awful thing. Everything is going to change, and I'm pretty scared. I know that we are hard workers, so I shouldn't worry about what will happen. No matter what, we will be fine. I just really love that campus. It is such a part of our daily lives. We've mourned with these people, celebrated, welcomed babies, learned, and shared with these people. I would like to say that I hate the place, but the truth is, I really love it. That is exactly why it hurts so much. It hurts that they aren't rewarding loyalty or someone who really cares. Really. I'm sad. These last couple of weeks have pretty much sucked, and I feel so drained. Just empty, really.
Peace Out,
Mom

My friend just told me that when she was at the Louvre in France, she slipped while walking up a marble staircase to view the "Winged Arm of Victory." She feel down a number of steps and she said she couldn't believe that she fell in the classiest place on Earth. My response was, "That's what you get for wearing flip-flops to the Louvre."

Peace Out,
Mom

My middle son ran away Saturday morning. We woke up and there were signs of a break in, and when I checked on the boys, he was gone. I screamed and moaned so loud, calling for him, that my oldest woke up and cried. We called the police, my parents, his friends, my sister, and his teacher. All of them converged onto my home in a panic at 7am. I have never in my life been so scared. At the time, I thought someone had taken him; I never imagined that he would want to leave. He was found a short time later by my dad at the walm*rt by my house. He had spent over 300 dollars in cash purchasing a GPS, a mess kit, a camel backpack, and other survival gear, and no one stopped him. Yeah, an 11 year old kid buying survival gear with that much cash when the store just opened is no cause for alarm.

He has been bullied at school all year. We have gone to the school many times, and while the teachers are very supportive, the Principal is not. There are two boys that spread gossip and try their damnedest to ostracize my son. They pretend he has a disease and encourage others to do the same. He has a few friends, but ultimately feels alone. Although we have gone to the school many times, nothing was done. It kept happening. My son is able to defend himself physically, but because he is the nicest boy in the universe, he is unable to understand why these boys would talk about him like this. He has the most tenderest of hearts. He says he ran away because he just couldn't take it at school anymore, and we were making him go there.

The fact that my son felt so desperate, and felt that we couldn't/wouldn't protect him, shreds my heart. I have been crying every day and trying to come to terms with how I failed him. We are still talking about it and I kept him out of school on Monday. I talked to the principal about it, but she is continuing to act like a politician instead of focusing on the needs of the school. These boys need to get the f out. My son isn't the only one being hurt. There are others. I'm tired of living in such a PC world where we tiptoe around the rights of bullies and punish those that do the right thing. I don't give a SH*t about these boys. Get them out and let the rest of the school get an education in peace.

When we asked him how the boys should be punished, he said that he didn't want them to be punished, he just wanted to be left alone. Why can't they just leave him alone? My heart hurts.

Peace Out,
Mom

The masses were sick for the last couple of weeks, and they are just starting to come around...And I am feeling a tickle in the back of my throat. I don't have time to get sick!!! I have a Spanish project due, an exam on Friday, work piled upon work, and my hubby and I are bidding for a new business. This is put-your-balls-on-the-table time. This is the time where it all changes. No matter what happens, our life is going to change. God willing, things will go the way that we want/need them to go. If not, there we will sit...at the top of sh*t creek without that trusty paddle. Ouch. No matter what, this is the time in our family that will go down in history as the best thing we could do for ourselves, or the "what were we thinking?" moment. These are the moments in life that you both dread and long for. This is one of those make-it-or-break-it times. Damn, I'm hoping that we make it.
Peace Out,
Mom

My house is again, an infermary. I had two boys home sick today, and it looks like the little man will be home with me tomorrow. These are the days when I wish I worked somewhere that paid to be out sick. I can't wait until I'm officially a grown-up with benefits. Maybe one day...
Peace Out,
Mom

Update: Tuesday morning: I have the little man home with me and the middle son, too! They are playing rotating sickness!!!!

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." ~Elizabeth Stone

Peace Out,
Mom

I have way too much going on right now. The pitch went okay. It will take a few weeks to know anything, but when we do...I will post more. My hubby was sick during the pitch, so we were a little discombobulated, but what can you do, right? My middle son came home from school early yesterday and stayed home today because he is sick. So both of them were here in our makeshift infirmary while I was at work. I am feeling a little achy myself, but I'm fighting it off. I don't have time to get sick right now. Friday, I will have a little reprieve. I hope everyone out there in the universe finds that moment where they can just exhale ever so slowly, close their eyes, and feel a sense of calm-if only for a moment.
Peace Out,
Mom

We're pitching a new business tomorrow. Send up a little shout to whomever you believe in to help us out. This could be life changing, and we really need it.

Peace Out,
Mom

It sucks. The problem with taking a morning class at a JC is that all of the people in the class are young. In my Spanish class, which is the third semester and a little difficult for me, we are required to do a skit that is part of our test score. We are supposed to write it up together, memorize it, and present it to the class. We were only given-total-about 10 minutes to work on it in class, and the rest should have been done via email. My group mates, who are both about 18 or 19, and I , decided to break up the work and communicate via email to finish the project. It is due tomorrow and after sending out numerous emails, I still haven't received the rest of my groups' work. It's due tomorrow morning at 9am. It is now 7pm. This is gonna suck.
Peace Out,
Mom


update: It is now 9:30, and I still haven't heard from them...
update 2:It is now 6:30am and I never heard from them...
update 3:The girl tossed me her part on a piece of paper 10 minutes after the class started and said that her email must have screwed up her replies because she was sure she sent it. Are you effing kidding me????

From I Sing the Body Electric:

Well, we were in New Jersey for about ten days, and then we had a little over a week back at home. It was very nice and relaxing. I really like my family. I adore my husband, and my boys are a lot of fun. It's really nice when we all get a break from our busy lives and just spend time together. The boys went back to school last week, and I go back tomorrow. It all goes back to normal. Bummer. I was telling my husband today that I wish that we could just hang out together everyday and get paid for it. Wouldn't that be fantastic??? Anyway, all is well here.
Peace Out,
Mom

My new mission, which can also be described as a Christmas miracle, is to win tickets on our local radio station to either Disneyland or the Wild Animal Park! I'm broke, and the boys would just love it!!!!! It could happen, right????
Peace Out,
Mom

So my little guy caught the bug. I really don't like missing work. But, hey...they don't get sick just on weekends, right? He's so cute when he's sick...minus all of the mucus, coughing, and sniffling. He's all snugly and lovey. He's much more chipper than the big boys when he's sick. He keeps saying he's not sick anymore. Cute! Anyway, I think one more day at home will fix him up good...I hope!
Peace Out,
Mom

I like when we find simple pleasures on days off. We went for a walk to the grands today, and on the way back, we stopped by the "pond" at the golf course to feed the ducks. I think the two youngest were convinced that they could befriend them. It didn't work so well! The dog just really wanted to eat the ducks! I love them all. It's great.
Peace Out,
Mom

My boss can be such a fuck-face!

As much as I hate to admit it, I've caught a cold. I pride myself on never getting sick. I must have mocked the sickos one too many times. Oh well. I took the day off to nurse my cold, but I just feel like I'm wallowing in illness. I guess I'll go back to work tomorrow and attempt functionality. I hope I'm not too bitchy.
Peace Out,
Mom

My middle son left for 6th grade camp on Monday. I am feeling really sad about it, and I'm not altogether sure why I feel this way. Well, that's not true. My son is being bullied at school. He is really the nicest boy in the world and boys are assholes. They take advantage of his niceness and have decided that he's gay. They pretend that he has a disease and walk around him. I'm afraid that when he gets back, he will have had a really bad time and I'll feel like a really bad mom for sending him away. I'm really hoping that he is having a fantastic time and that all the boys will bond and forget all of their previous animosities. Wishful thinking, I know, but a mom can hope, right? When my oldest left, I wasn't worried at all. He had a great time and has nothing but happy memories about camp. I'm hoping that it will be the same for my middle guy.
Peace Out,
Mom

I quit my job counting money at night. I did this for two reasons: They were moving the job to a morning position, and I have another job in the morning. Also, if I were to continue on at the company, I would have to work on the sales floor. At Christmas. Yeah...no.
Hopefully, I will now be able to spend more time with family and friends. I'm looking forward to it! I already have plans this Saturday and next...when people found out I have some more free time, they started calling!! This is a good thing, but I could use some more "me" time.
My middle son is going to camp on Monday!! To be honest, I'm a little nervous. When my oldest went away two years ago, I wasn't so nervous. He is a bit more mature and makes new friends easily. He is really gregarious and cocky! However, my middle son is a different kind of guy. He is VERY nice. I tell people all the time that he's then nicest boy I've ever met, and I mean it! But that means that people take advantage of him and pick on him, which hurts me. I hope that he has a good time at camp. I want it to be a positive experience for him, and not something that he looks bad on as the time "mom sent me away to be abused for a week." Ya know??? Oh, my nerves.
We've made travel arrangements to go to New Jersey for a little over a week starting the day after Christmas. All five of us. I am looking into things we can do in the area so that we aren't cloistered in the house with my mother-in-law all week. She is no longer accustomed to the noise and activity of three rowdy boys. I don't want to see her look of disapproval pointed in their direction. I'm barely used to it pointed in my direction.
Peace Out,
Mom

I'm not feeling especially Halloween-ey. I don't really know why...Usually I love this holiday, but my kids aren't so into it this year and that kind of rubs off on me. I am also really tired...as usual! I've quit one of my jobs so that I can have some more time. I'm really looking forward to it! Friday is my last night counting money at night. Yeah! I hope everyone goes out tonight and has some mischievous, wicked fun!!!

Peace Out,

Mom

I was remarking to a blogger friend that I may have finally reached the point where my foundation is cracking. I am growing weary of this busy life. It is just non-stop! I need a break. My brain hurts. My kids are great and they really help to keep me sane. They are the reason I work so hard, and yet they are the reason I don't want to work at all. Weird, huh? Back to the grind...
Peace out,
Mom

1. After reading about the woman who was allowed extra time to take her medical exams, I felt a little heartache for women across America. Do we really want to ask for more than what everyone else gets??? Before you ask...yes, I was a breastfeeding mom. I breastfed all three of my sons. Proudly. And discreetly. I was not one to whip out the boob while eating at a restaurant, or while on public transportation. I also had a productive, normal life, and I didn't ask for accommodations. I found out after reading more about this case that the woman had already been granted a whole extra day for her ADHD and dyslexia. She's taking her medical exams. To be a doctor. Anyone else worried? Quit bitching lady. It seems to me that you are just a big whiner.

2. I'm thirsty for knowledge. Just when I think I've learned enough about something, somebody asks me a question that I don't have the answer for, and I have to go and read about it even more. I don't like not knowing.

3. I saw the sky the other night, and it looked so amazing to me. Then, I just got angry with myself because I couldn't think of any way to describe it to someone else. I couldn't find the words to explain what it looked like, or how it made me get that feeling right before you are about to cry. You know, that feeling where you can almost feel tears well up and your chest tingles, and your body just is waiting, expecting something...

4. People disappoint me. But I'm starting to think that it's really just because I'm a bitch. I expect too much, and I should just be happy about who people are and accept them.

5. Once you have reached a certain age, and you look, I mean really look, at yourself, and you realize that your character needs an adjustment...is it possible?

6. The Jena 6...hmmmm...What those white boys did was so wrong on so many levels, and they should be punished. However, those boys should not have beaten that boy. Two wrongs don't make a right. I just don't think this is something the Al Sharpton needs to defend. It's almost like he's saying it's okay that they beat him. What happened to pacifism and speaking out against injustices without violence? We are supposed to stand up and shout to draw attention when something awful happens. We shouldn't lash out with violence.

7. My boys rock. My middle son just read the last two Harry Potter books in three weeks. During the last book, he laughed and cried, and shared with me what was happening. I just felt so proud. My oldest was in the kitchen two nights ago, and was rifling through the pantry, searching for food to fill his ever-growing appetite, and lifted his shirt. Lo and Behold, he had a six pack. He's growing. Little man can ride a bike. Not without training wheels, but still. He's also learning how to write his name. And when he says good bye to me in the morning at daycare, he hugs me tight and strokes my hair as he looks around the room for something to do. So sweet.

8. My husband makes me so very happy. I came across a post on http://thismustallmakesense.blogspot.com/ that says "Sometimes it takes one relationship to incinerate your wick. And you can never be lit again." I couldn't disagree more. I found someone that keeps my flame burning, although some had tried before. Although they may have burned it up a bit, none has kept this fire burning like my husband. Even though we are so very busy, we find time for each other, and it makes all the difference. Sometimes he frustrates me, sometimes I get on his nerves, but in the end, it's all about the love, baby. It's he and I against the world!! ;-)
Peace Out,
Mom

On Sunday, my husband went fishing. Besides the fact that he caught quite a few fish, it turned out to be an awful trip. That's not what I'm posting about, however. What I'm posting about is what someone said to him as he was leaving. He was in the parking lot and he was SO ready to leave and go home. As he was driving away, someone said, "Good job, ni**er." Now, I haven't heard that word used in a derogatory manner in quite some time, except on TV or in the movies. I always just assumed that if I did hear it, I would just consider the source, and move along. However, I now realize that words hurt. I'm a little upset. I don't know what I'll do if anyone ever says that in reference to my son. I may just kill someone.
I thought today would be a good day to post my favorite Martin Luther King, Jr. quote. Just something to inspire me to be a better person, you know?


"The hour has come for everybody, for all institutions of the public sector and the private sector to work to get rid of racism. And now if we are to do it we must honestly admit certain things and get rid of certain myths that have constantly been disseminated all over our nation.
One is the myth of time. It is the notion that only time can solve the problem of racial injustice. And there are those who often sincerely say to the Negro and his allies in the white community, "Why don’t you slow up? Stop pushing things so fast. Only time can solve the problem. And if you will just be nice and patient and continue to pray, in a hundred or two hundred years the problem will work itself out."
There is an answer to that myth. It is that time is neutral. It can be used wither constructively or destructively. And I am sorry to say this morning that I am absolutely convinced that the forces of ill will in our nation, the extreme rightists of our nation—the people on the wrong side—have used time much more effectively than the forces of goodwill. And it may well be that we will have to repent in this generation. Not merely for the vitriolic words and the violent actions of the bad people, but for the appalling silence and indifference of the good people who sit around and say, "Wait on time." "

Peace Out,
Mom

"There is a shortage of perfect breasts in this world.
It would be a pity to damage yours."

-Princess Bride

Peace Out,
Mom

I've been working at the College for well over two years. A semester ago, a new Coordinator came on at the Writing Center who was more conservative and rigid than the others. She deemed my tops to be too low cut. WTF??? I ALWAYS dress in business attire; however, sometimes I'm a little more relaxed in the summer when it is too hot to suit up. However, I don't dress like a bum. Yesterday, I was feeling especially pretty, and I even took time to shave my legs in the morning. Then, when I got into work, people told me that I looked pretty and I felt really good-for about an hour. Then, the Clerk at our Center told me that my dress was too low cut. She said that they have talked to me before about it, and that I can't wear anything that shows my breasts.
I have big boobs. Large Hooters, Grande Ta-Tas, Huge Melons. Unless I wear a turtleneck, they draw a bit of attention. I have actually been told that what I am wearing would be okay if I had a flat chest. After complaining to one of our coordinators, I was told that he "didn't want to see a line." He was of course, referring to my cleavage. Again, unless I wear a turtleneck, you are going to see "a line."
I am getting especially frustrated because at this point, I feel like they look at what I wear everyday and scrutinize my cleavage. Also, I feel like I am being discriminated against for being a "big girl." I HATE to throw that out there, but when someone actually says, "it would be okay if you were flat-chested," then that, to me, sounds like I am being singled out because I am endowed with large breasts. I even had the same coordinator tell me that I was the reason that one of our mentally disabled students was unable to focus; he was distracted by my chest.

So, here's me in my dress yesterday. Tell me what you think. I'll listen, I promise.
Peace Out,
Mom

When assaulted with feelings of desperate unworthiness, and when I feel like I can't do a single thing right, I yearn for the times when I am home, and my children think I am the smartest, prettiest, most capable person they have ever met. Sometimes I really just need to be home.

My Oldest started football practice in July. Saturday was his first game, and to be honest, I was a little nervous. He played receiver, and although the ball was never passed to him, he was still involved in much of the game. I noticed that my mom was turning his head when it even looked like he was going to be involved in a tackle. I was trying to be brave and supportive, but GEEZ! I would much rather he play the piano or something. He's really very good at it, and he looks so handsome in his football gear. I'm just being silly, really. They lost the first game, which was hard on them since they had won all of their scrimmages, but it was good to get that first game under his belt. I'll post pictures later...I'm at work now without the camera!
Peace Out,
Mom

All of these jobs, school, and family are slowly killing me. I'm just so tired. I really thought I was strong enough to do all of this, but perhaps I'm a bit too old for this. I'm tired of complaining about being tired. I miss my kids. This isn't fun. I know that it is temporary, so that is maybe what is keeping me going. And my big scary mortgage staring me in the face. And these boys eating more the older they get. Whatever. I'm just tired.
Peace Out,
Mom

My little man started daycare last week. It really is heart-wrenching for me! At first, he really wanted to go, and he wanted me to leave him there. However, now he cries because he doesn't want to go. We wake up very early, and God knows he is not an early morning kind of guy! So, he starts off the day in a foul mood. By the time we get there, he has told me about 45 times that he doesn't want to go. He also says really heart breaking things like "why do you want to leave me momma?" and "Will you miss me all day?" Geez, talk about a guilt trip. Believe me, I would MUCH rather be with him!! He is the first of my children to go to daycare, and I'm really torn up about it. I don't like it at all. The facility is fantastic, and the teachers are wonderful, but I would just rather be with him, you know??? So how long will this protest last??? Will there come a time where he just goes to daycare without all of the fuss? Oh my, this is going to be interesting.
Peace Out,
Mom

I got my new D.ell computer in the mail today. No, I did not go the M.ac route. I found what I needed in this inexpensive laptop and I am very pleased. I don't need it for anything fancy; I just need it for school and work. I finally figured out how to get it hooked up to our wireless Internet. My husband thought he was being safe when he set up our wireless Internet service at home with a password he could never, ever remember. Cute. It took me forever to figure out how to access our stuff!!! Getting older does some interesting things to your memory. Anyway, even though I have many jobs, a few classes, and some ornery boys, I'm hoping this will help me out some. Tomorrow, I will post about my little man's first day of day care. I almost threw up...really.
Peace Out,
Mom

A new semester is starting next week.
I applied for a new job and I am impatiently awaiting news.
I was offered a fourth job, and I am going to take it.
Little man starts all-day daycare next week and I am very nervous.
I am going to Legoland tomorrow with little man and a friend.
Peace Out,
Mom

We went camping last weekend at Cuyamaca. It was great fun; we even brought the dog. She was pretty awesomely dirty! My husband threw her in the lake a couple of times to try to get some of the dirt off of her, but I don't think it helped much! We had a great time with the kids. Everyone really had a good time spending quality time together. We played cards and cooked things on the open fire. We went for a couple of walks and paddle-boated on the lake. Mostly, we talked and relaxed. It was nice to be away from things for a while and chill. My camera is broken, which really super sucks, so I don't have any pictures. Sadness.

Peace Out,

Mom

So, I am here at work and it is very, very slow...It is a beautiful day outside, and I'm really longing to go out and enjoy it, but I won't be out of here until 8. Then, it's time to get the kiddos ready for school tomorrow. I don't know why I am so happy for them to return. Looking back, I'm always shocked that I am happy they are returning to school, but I don't really know why. This time, they were bickering with each other in the end. Also, middle son has taken to arguing with little man. It's really ridiculous considering they're seven years apart!
Last week, My hubby and I went out on a little date. We dropped the kids off at G-parents and went to the batting cages. Now, I haven't been to the batting cages in eons, so I forgot all the rules. Number one rule being: Take off your wedding ring before you proceed to bat. I was rewarded with a nice blood blister on my left hand. Yeah, gross.
AND, in the process of carrying the treadmill upstairs, I dropped it on my foot. This getting healthy things sucks. Or is it getting old that sucks? Whatever.
Peace Out,
Mom

My oldest is going back to school tomorrow!!!! Thank God for year-round school!!!! Middle Boy goes back on Tuesday. This is going to be a glorious week. I can just feel it...
Peace Out,
Mom