Not-So-Normal Mom

Life

2011-07-17T14:29:00.000-07:00

I fell off the wagon: the weight loss wagon. And since I am so heavy, the fall made a loud noise when I hit the ground.

I need to do this. I was on a real roll before. I had lost almost 40 pounds. And then I hurt my ankle playing on the trapeze. And I lost my mojo.

Can someone please tell me where my mojo is? I ask, while I sit here, sipping coffee and eating a chocolate and peanut butter treat.

Before, I was working every day and I had a structure. Right now, the boys are out of school, I am working a few hours twice a week, and really playing a lot. The playing isn't healthy playing; it is pretty unhealthy playing. So I need to set up a structure. I need a foundation. I work well with structure.

Maybe when the boys go back to school Wednesday, I will get that structure back. I hope.

Mom

Day 87

2010-06-15T20:12:00.000-07:00

So I didn't want this blog to turn into a weight loss blog. But it seems like I really talk about this a lot lately. On March 21st, I participated in a rock climbing fundraiser for DS Action. My oldest son was celebrating his 16th birthday and decided to spend it with his friends climbing walls at this fundraiser that my friend was helping out with. It really was a great day. So I was determined to climb the wall, too! I did it...Not gracefully by any means, but I did it.

In doing so, I realized just how much weight I was lugging around, and I realized it was time to make a change. So the next day, I got on the treadmill. That was the first step. I began by walking, and eventually, I started jogging. Now, every day, I start by jogging 2 miles right when I roll out of bed in the morning. Then, about three times a week, I jog an extra 2-3 miles in the evening.

In the beginning, for the first couple of weeks, I didn't change my diet; I wrote everything that I ate down. I calculated just how many calories I was eating per day. I really didn't think that I ate too much. However, after writing it all down, I realized that I was averaging about 2100 calories a day: way too many! So I cut my calories to about 1300-1400 per day. Most of the time it isn't that big of a deal, but I do have my days. I miss night time ice cream :)

Since I began, I have lost 25 pounds. I am not satisfied with how long it is taking to come off. I feel like it should come off quicker. I hit a plateau at 15 pounds and now I've hit another at 25. It really is very frustrating. I know that it will take time, but I would like to see it coming off. I would like to see results.

So there are the up-to-date before and after pics...There will be more after pics to come. I plan on losing another 55 pounds. It's going to happen.

Now...off to jog on the treadmill for a bit :)

Peace Out,
Mom

Just trying to figure it all out...

2010-06-01T09:54:00.000-07:00

For the last few weeks, I feel like I am in the middle of a transition. I don't really know what I am transitioning from or what is going to happen on the other side of this transition. I have taken a step back to really evaluate myself and to evaluate my relationships. I am trying to figure out what I am bringing to these relationships that I have.

To be honest, I think that I am a pretty good person. Do I eff up? Of course. But really, I think that I am a damn good friend and a good mom and a loving wife. Familial relationships are a bit more difficult. Am I a good sister? Probably not. A good daughter? I don't know. I know that I hold on to hurts longer than I should. I know that those hurts morph and develop into other emotions and grudges that I have a hard time letting go of. I also expect a lot of my family. I have an idea what family is supposed to do and be, and that doesn't always happen for me. I know that I have a hand in that, and I am trying to figure out what it is that I can do to make it better.

Yesterday was a hard day for me. It was the anniversary of a day of pain that I am just not ready to let out into the universe. My family knows about it. My best friend was there. So was my sister. But none of them contacted me yesterday to ask if I was okay. I haven't talked to my sister in a couple of weeks, so I shouldn't really expect her to contact me, I suppose. I'm trying to be okay with them not remembering or not caring to remember. Pretending this didn't happen doesn't mean it really didn't happen. It did. And it hurts like hell.

I am trying to find peace. I don't even know what that means to me. I am trying to figure out the meaning of peace and apply it to my life. I know a big part of that peace comes with release and forgiveness. And that is what I have a really hard time with. I think a part of me feels like I should be punished. So I hold onto that pain as a way to admonish myself for what I have done. I also really have a hard time with forgiveness. I can barely forgive myself, so how can I forgive someone else? It's especially hard when the other person doesn't ask for forgiveness...when he/she doesn't think that he/she has done anything wrong. Forgiveness. I say that word a lot...rolling it around in my mouth, trying to play with the syllables, deciphering its meaning...It feels so elusive to me, like I just can't hold onto it.

So for the last couple of weeks, I've let go of some relationships, taken a step back from others, and moved closer in some. I'm okay. It has definitely resulted in less anger, less noise. Even if I haven't figured out how to feel peace yet, it is definitely peaceful.

I have to reconnect with my family, right? Right now, I don't really want to. And that sounds mean. But maybe I can find a way to incorporate them into my life without losing myself in the process. It's not all about me. But I need to be a little selfish. I have a husband and little people who depend on me, and they don't really need me filled with suppressed (whatever) all the time. And no, it's not all their fault either. But maybe the combination is toxic. Maybe what I bring to it combined with what they bring to it just isn't working anymore. And if I'm the only one talking about it and the only one acknowledging it, there's a problem.

Seriously, all I want is peace. If someone knows where it is, let me know so I can get there.

Peace Out,
Mom

Lawyers in Training

2010-04-07T21:03:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure what it is about the job that I detest. Maybe it's the lack of intellectual stimulation. Don't get me wrong, there are many students there who are quite intelligent-you can carry on conversations that will get you thinking...However, many of them don't think that I'm smart enough to bother...

That may be harsh, too...I am not interested in learning about the law like they are. I thought for a minute that I was, but that may have just been because I wanted to prove to them that I could do it. However, I still believe that I can, and will, change the world some day. I think that if I became a lawyer, or went through the training, I would lose that.

It's like they forget compassion. In all of their training on civil procedure and criminal law and contracts, why don't they insert some compassion training in there? I hear the r-word on a daily basis. I hear them talking about each other, competing with one another...I want to have faith that these future lawyers, judges, politicians, and teachers have what it takes to protect my sons' futures.

It is disconcerting to say the least.

Peace Out,
Mom

My Riley

2010-04-05T21:54:00.001-07:00

After being diagnosed with Mono, Riley was lying on the couch, sleepy. I asked him:

So, do you know what they call Mono, Riley?

He said no. I responded:

They call it the kissing disease!
*While wearing a big my-son-is-not-that-kind-of-boy grin*

He said, "But I haven't kissed anyone this week!"

huh?

Peace Out,
Mom

What the hell am I doing here???

2010-02-15T16:57:00.000-08:00

Well. I am about to be the mother of a 16 y/o. He will be old enough to drive next month. I really don't know how time goes by so quickly.

It is so easy to recall times that I held him in my arms as an infant. It's so easy to remember sleepless nights and watching him learn to walk and hearing his first words.

And it's crazy to me that the worries get bigger. They grow into worries about school and friendships...

Then worrying about relationships with girls...Will he get a girl pregnant? Will he protect himself from diseases? Will she break his heart? Will he conduct himself with dignity?

And school...Will he get good grades? Will he be able to go to college? Can I get him to stop ditching?

I can't even fathom him driving. I'm worried about so many things already.

Being a mom is hard. :(

Peace Out,
Mom

Back from the dead

2009-10-29T15:30:00.000-07:00

So why don't I blog anymore? Well, that may be because I have all of the other social networking sites to keep me entertained. Maybe I'm being sucked in to the instant gratification of Twitter, Facebook, and my new addiction: Skype.

Or maybe it's because what happens that I really need to write about embarrasses me.

My oldest was busted for smoking weed. Now, as an adult, I am all about the legalization of marijuana. I think that it would solve so many problems. Do I judge people who smoke weed? Hell no. Am I mortified that my 15 y/o does it? Eff ya!!!! As I result, I took all of his privilages. I took his cell phone. He can't go anywhere, unless it's with us. He can't talk on the phone or use the computer. He's basically on house arrest. That's been going on for a while now. He's slowly getting his privileges back. On Saturday, he will get to go to a Halloween activity with a friend-but I'm going. Also, I enrolled him in drug cuonseling: three times a week, three hours a meeting, with a random drug test twice a month. The counseling lasts three months, unless he is unsuccessful. I'm doing what I can.

Does it seem like overkill? Perhaps. However, his bio-dad is evidence of what happens when casual drug use turns into something far more sinister. Am I punishing R for his bio-dad's sins? I hope not. But I do know that it is my job to make sure that he is a productive member of society and that he contributes something worthwhile to this crazy life. This is definitely a learning experience for me. I am trying not to feel incompetent. I am trying not to see a bad mom when I look in the mirror. All I can do is ask the experts and hope that I am taking the right steps to ensure that my son gets my attention.

In addition to that, I started a new job. It's not at all challenging and I really do miss my "family" at the old job. I feel so out of it. I am lonely here. I never really thought that i was the type to need a joyful work environment. I mean, work is work, right? I took this job because it pays 3-4 times what I was making at the old job. When they told me I got the job, I sat in the car and cried. I knew that it was going to change things.

Then, my husband lost his job. Now, he has the opportunity to open his own business in the same place, doing the same thing-but this time, it will be his own thing. So you might be wondering if I'm worried about it. UMMMM, YEAH!!! I know that he has what it takes to make it work, and I hope that he gets the contract. If not....DAMMMMMMMMN... I don't know. The business plan is due tomorrow, and we'll know some time around the 18th of next month. In the meantime, I'm just trucking along.

So as you may have surmised, me being at work and my husband being at home with the kids is challenging. I'm trying not to resent him. Well, maybe that's a strong word. Maybe I'm just a little jealous. I wish that I was at home with the boys. Most of the time, there is nothing better than being surrounded by my sons. They are awesome. This full-time all day, all week thing leaves something to be desired.

Whew! I really feel better after writing this all down. Maybe I'll get back to blogging after all. ;-)

Peace Out,
Mom

Afternoon Musings

2009-05-17T18:23:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while, I have a moment to relax and take an inventory of my life. I ponder the delicateness of this life and the sometimes fleeting relationships that make up our lives coupled with the intense interpersonal bonds that we forge and maintain our grip on as seconds turn to years before our eyes.

I think about being seventeen and seeing my husband for the first time. I felt a pulsing ache, a need to be held by him and enveloped by the heat that I just knew we would generate. Of course, that was a relationship that ended in a ball of flame reminiscent of the fire that began the affair.

I think about the need-to-fill-a-void feeling that followed that relationship. I stumbled into the poisonous relationship with the young man who had no home and was horribly in need of someone to love him-or so I thought. Instead, he wanted someone to join him on his sinking ship.

In the middle of it all, I had two sons. Those two boys changed everything. Everything I ever wanted for myself flowed miraculously from my heart to theirs as they grew inside me. Every dream I ever dared to dream suddenly became theirs. I wanted to be so much more because of them. They were my hope for something better. I belonged to them.

I think about the years being beaten and berated, all the while shielding my sons, emotionally and physically, from a man who shared their DNA. I wonder who that girl was and why she believed what he yelled at her. I'm embarrassed by her frailty and desperation.

From there, my mind wanders to the sense of failure intermingled with exaltation and freedom as I emerged from that emotionally debilitating arrangement. I found my wings at the same time as I realized my limitations. I wanted to build a life for them, and for me, but I was a wreck, a shell.

Finding my husband, after all those years of not seeing him, was amazing. I was drawn to him, almost like there was a magnet in my core that pulled me to where he was. We are lucky to have each other. And because of this, I believe in fate, destiny.

From that love, that intense nuclear explosion of heat, came our little man. Everyone in our circle dotes on him. He is the connection to all of us-he made us a family.

Finally, I think about who I am now. All of those years of catastrophe resulted in me having built a facade that sometimes crumbles under pressure. I'm unsatisfied. Don't get me wrong, I have a great family, amazing friends, and I know that I'm lucky. However, I look in the mirror and see all of those faults: I'm fat, my hair is too frizzy, I still break out-at 35!- my legs are blotchy, I occasionally have a rogue facial hair that is embarrassing, my kids do stupid things and get bad grades, I am often tired, I'm not as smart as I want to be, I should be done with school by now, I am far too judgemental, I still want another baby, despite knowing that we can't afford it, I should volunteer at the kids' schools more often, etc.

Even after all that I've been through, all that I've worked for...failure is just around the corner, looming, mocking me-just as judgemental as I am.

Peace Out,
Mom

Brief Updates

2009-04-30T19:08:00.000-07:00

It seems as if most of my updates these days are done in 140 characters or less via twitter or facebook. Blame it on my short attention span or ridiculously busy schedule-whatever.

Yesterday was my 35th bday. I went to Disneyland with my mom, sister and little man. It was pretty fun! Of course, every time we go to DL, the day after, I feel like I have a hangover. My body hurts a little, I have a vague headache, and I could use a bit more sleep. But I really don't think I'll ever get tired of going.

I just love it there. It reminds me of all of the times where I let my imagination run away. When I'm there, I allow that suspension of disbelief to set in and just roll with it. I believe that pirates will fight over my head, pixies will fly by, and ghosts will sing. When I'm on Space Mountain, I close my eyes and feel the same exact way that I felt when I was in sixth grade, flying through space with stars and planets swooshing by.

So while I know that I'm old enough to be a mother to teenagers, for just a bit I feel like a kid. And it feels nice.

Peace Out,
Mom

Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T15:51:00.000-07:00

Spring Break

2009-04-11T14:56:00.000-07:00

The break has been so great for my soul...;-)

We went to Disneyland a couple of times, played some serious SingStar, and spent time together as a family. We went to the park, the book store, yogurt shop, flied kites and smacked a few wiffle balls. MO also competed in another track meet-this time against boys two grades higher- and we went to watch him come in fourth place! We also met my dad in Old Town for lunch and took my mom to bingo at the casino. I also squeezed in lunch with the girls. Oh, and let's not forget, date night with my honey at Joe's Crab Shack. ;-)

Alas, all good things must come to an end...So I am spending the day getting the Spring Cleaning done. When we're working, the house slowly degenerates and is like a dust pile with dirty clothes hiding in corners. I'm also hanging pictures and curtains that have been waiting patiently for months on the floor of my bedroom. Fun times...

But tonight, we will have our last hurrah of Spring Break...movie night to watch Bedtime Stories and color eggs for the Easter Bunny to hide. I love my family. I love recharging with them. I haven't looked at an ounce of work all week, and it feels sooo nice.

Peace Out,
Mom

Dancing Queen Sung By My Manly Men

2009-03-29T17:03:00.001-07:00

Random Updates...

2009-03-14T16:15:00.000-07:00

1. Since the adoption, it's been back to normal. ;-) Work, school, clean the house, squeeze in family time...same-old, same-old. It's nice.

2. I just got my hair cut today. I probably get one real haircut a year, and usually, I just get a trim or something. This year, I decided to go trendy. I have bangs and flippy things happening! I just hope that I can recreate this without the hairdresser later. ;-)

3. My sister and her boyfriend got me this cool Kodak camera for Christmas. It's almost like the flip-but I've always been happy with Kodak, so that's what we got this time, too. I love it! I take videos all the time and it takes great still pics as well. Two weeks ago, the boys and I went down to the shore and strolled along looking at creatures, rocks, and shells. I took some GREAT pics and I wanted to post them on here, but for some reason, Blogger doesn't allow it. I saved them differently, but it still didn't work. I think they're over the size limit. I'm really bummed about it.

4. I got accepted to the University, so I will be going in the Fall when the little man goes to first grade. I don't know how I will squeeze it in, but I just have to. I'm nervous. I'm pretty old to be going to a university with a bunch of teenagers. ;-)

5. Thursday, I was working with one of my students and he told me that his mom is the same age as I am. Granted, she was only 16 when she had him, but DAMN!!!!

6. I love my husband. Little man was invited to a birthday party for a classmate. I am not particularly fond of the boy's mom, but little man really likes the boy. I know that it is important to attend birthday parties every once in a while, but I REALLY didn't want to go. So hubby took him while I got a haircut. What a great guy.

7. We were invited by hubby's friend/barber to go to the Gospel Brunch at the House of Blues downtown tomorrow. It's something that we can bring the whole family to and enjoy the wonderful music together. Yeah!!! I am so excited to sport my new haircut at the HOB tomorrow!

Okay, that's enough of my random updates. Have a great weekend, Bloggers!

Peace Out,
Mom

Update: You can see a few of the pics from the afternoon on the bay here: http://twitpic.com/photos/notsonormalmom

They really are pretty awesome! ;-)

So Relieved

2009-02-20T20:11:00.000-08:00

I don't know exactly how to express all of the feelings that have overwhelmed me during this process, so forgive me if this is a stream of consciousness...

Over the last few years, I've had a completely irrational fear that a couple of things would happen. I was afraid that I would die and then ex would swoop in and take the boys from the only father who loved and cared for them- and that Hubby would have no legal recourse. I also feared that he would kidnap them and that the court would say it was okay because he is their bio father. Now, this is a man who has made many more babies by many more baby-mommas, so I know that these fears probably have no foundation in reality. If anything, he would only try to take them from me so as to hurt me in some way.

Even though I know that these feelings are completely crazy, there they sat, taking root: until yesterday.

We went before the judge, signed those papers, and it was like a huge wave of relief and euphoria rushed over me, releasing me from all of the feelings of fear and anxiety that I had been holding on to for all of these years.

This was how it was meant to be. He is their father. He has been their father for so many years more than ex had been. Those short years with ex produced such misery, relieved only by the love I felt for my sons. This process somehow alleviated all of the pain, hurt, and anguish that had burning a hole in my gut for so long.

I made a bad choice all of those years ago. I chose a man who would bring pain and heartache into our lives. He was someone who stomped on my self-worth and used me as his punching bag. He abandoned my sons and tossed them aside, seeking to replace them many times over with new children that he abandoned over and over, in a never-ending cycle of heartache.

Now, it is a new time in our lives and I have made the right choice. My husband loves them so very much, and I can't imagine them calling another man "dad."

During the court appearance, we cried. It's another new chapter in our lives together, and I am so lucky that we all have the opportunity to move on with our lives together.

I've said before that I know that it's just a name, just a piece of paper. We have been a family for so long. But really...damn. It just feels so good.

Peace Out,
Mom

Big Day Tomorrow!

2009-02-18T19:41:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is the big day. We have our adoption hearing scheduled for 2pm-yay!!!!

While we have been living as a family for many years now, and really, we've been a family for so long, tomorrow it will be "official!" The last couple of days, I've been a litle teary when I think about it. It shouldn't mean this much to me...it's just a name really. But damn...it means so much to me.

We will all have the same last name!!!!!!!!!!

Yay, us!!!!

I'll post pics of the hearing tomorrow!!!

Peace Out,
Mom

Snow Day

2009-02-15T18:51:00.000-08:00

Yeah, it's not what you think. There is no way that it would snow here in sunny San Diego. However, one of the most wonderful things about living here is that within an hours drive, we can get to the beach, another country, the desert, and the snow. ;-)

Today, we drove for a little bit-passed where we go camping, and we played in the snow for a bit. We brought the dog to her first time in the snow, and she had such a fun time. The boys sledded down the hill and she chased them the whole way down! We all played for a while, sledding repeatedly, and we got soaked and freezing. So we stripped down in the car and switched into our change of clothes while the heater was cranked way up!!!

On the way home, we stopped by a roadside fruit stand to buy a couple of veggies. I also bought a jar of honey with the honey comb inside. YUM!

The boys were so good-a little bit of rough playing, but I can't really expect anything else. We had such a good family day. We don't get many of those with our busy schedules, so it's really nice to take advantage of them when we can. This four-day weekend is so awesome. ;-)

Peace Out,
Mom

Just Working...

2009-02-11T08:46:00.000-08:00

I am working many days in a row...And I'm on day ten. It's not so bad, but I don't think I'll be doing it again for a while. ;-)

They found a wooly mammoth downtown last week. It is considered a significant find because the tusk is still attached. My dad works for the company that is building on the property, so they're giving us the oportunity to get a look at it before they pull it out of the ground. I'm trying to get off early so that I can go get a look at it! Opportunities like this don't happen very often. ;-)

Other than that, not too much is going on. My hubby and I finally get some alone time this weekend. My parents are taking the kids Friday for an overnighter. Then, hubby and I have a wedding to go to on Valentine's Day. I can't wait.

Next week, we have our adoption hearing and my mom's throwing us a party on the Saturday after! ;-) It's about time, right??

Peace Out,
Mom

Sad

2009-02-03T18:24:00.000-08:00

One of my former teachers, and someone who I am blessed to have as a mentor and friend, lost her husband this morning. I always find myself at a loss for words and really, at a loss of what to do. I know that nothing can take away her pain, but I always feel like I should do more.

They loved each other so much. When I talked to her this afternoon, we were talking about how lucky they were to have each other. To which she replied, "And we knew it."

I've been thinking about that ever since. Sometimes I forget to stop and think about how lucky I am to have my husband. We are a real pair and it feels so good to know that he's with me in this craziness.

I'm so sad for her loss and at the same time, I realize how painfully wonderful that kind of love is, how lasting and fleeting it can be, all at the same time.

Peace Out,
Mom

Life

2009-01-31T16:09:00.000-08:00

I decided to post a list that I did on Facebook...It covers some stuff...;-)

Twenty-five Random Things

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

1. I work really hard.

2. I don't make a lot of money for working really hard.

3. My kids and my husband make working this hard so freaking worth it.

4. The reason why I dress up and never wear sweats or comfy clothing is because I think I'm ugly. The paint and the polish is all to make me feel a little better about myself and hide the ugly a bit when I leave the house.

5. I have a ridiculous addiction to coffee.

6. Sometimes at the college, I feel really stupid, especially when I'm surrounded by these fantastically educated individuals.

7. I don't like when a certain someone at the college refers to my knowledge as "tribal knowledge," implying that I'm not educated.

8. I don't have any patience for stupidity.

9. My most heartfelt wish is that my mortgage would magically be paid off and I could spend more time with my family...and my husband could spend more time with us, too.

10. I wish that we had more money and more space so that I could have another baby...just one more, I swear!

11. I am secretly afraid that I will never finish my education and that I'll never be the teacher that is inside me, yearning to get out.

12. I'm not really afraid of anything conventional...spiders, heights, small spaces, etc... I'm afraid of failure.

13. I'm hoping that I can find the energy to get off of my ass and onto the treadmill or outside for a walk.

14. When I was younger, I wanted to have 12 kids and drive around in a school bus with all of them in the back.

15. In kindergarten, I pulled my parents over on "Back to School Night" to pat the afro'd head of a little black boy in my class. I told them "touch his hair, he doesn't mind." And my parents looked up into the face of his father-a 7-foot tall unhappy black man. Does that explain anything???

16. I used to be a weak girl. I wept over any little thing. Then, my spirit was broken by a mean man and it resulted in me having a hard shell. I'm okay with it because I do allow people in...and when you're in, it's all good...;-)

17. I'll never regret my first marriage. I have two awesome boys as a result of that relationship. I got the best pieces of him.

18. We are going before the judge next month so the boys will oficially be my hubby's sons. It seems like they've always been his sons, but having the name attached will be like icing.;-)

19. If I want something, I let people know. I also will go out and get it. I'm pretty determined and a bit competitive.

20. In another life, I would like to be a painter/sculptor, a cake artist, a pianist, an interior designer, an anthropologist, an architect, a lawyer, and/or a farmer.

21. I worry. I worry so much that I drink Pepto Bismol to calm my stomach. I get myself so worked up that I want to throw up and/or cry.

22. I want to write a book. I always come up with ideas, but I lack creativity and sustainability.

23. I love camping.

24. If I could be any movie character, I would be either Baby from Dirty Dancing or Jean Grey from X-Men.

25. I love my family and my friends. I wish that I had more time to spend loving them.

Consider yourself tagged!!!!!!!!!!!

Peace Out,
Mom

Figuring It All Out

2009-01-25T14:44:00.000-08:00

Working this many jobs can be tiring. It's not so much exhausting on my body...but my mind is sooo tired! ;-)

The first couple of weeks of school always takes some getting used to. I have to figure out when and where I'm supposed to be. It changes hour-by-hour, so my little day planner is really getting a workout.

I think I already need a vacation.

Peace Out,
Mom

Phonetics

2009-01-20T18:48:00.000-08:00

My little man is in Kindergarten. He didn't go to an academic preschool; instead, he basically went to a childcare center on the college campus where I work. He only attended four half-days a week. This means that he was there from about 9am until 2pm. Our intention to have him enrolled at the center was socialization, and I needed to work mornings.

Neither of my older boys attended any preschool before kinder, and both were okay. Of course, they did attend kinder pre-"No-Child-Left-Behind" when school was different.

When I was in elementary school (many moons ago) I loved to go. I wanted to go and discover new things. I wanted to interact, learn, feel, touch, and grow...all for the sake of learning. I credit my love of learning to the education I received in elementary school. I was taught that the world is full of discoveries to be made and interesting treasures to be uncovered.

Now, all I hear about kinder is "Drill, Drill, Drill." "Test, Test, Test!" Little man can identify words. He has amazing memorization skills. When he is given new words, he learns them quickly and can identify them and spell them almost immediately. The problem-He can't identify the sounds that letters make. He is having some serious issues with phonetics. The teacher basically told me that he has to learn this before she'll pass him on to 1st grade.

I get it...he needs to learn this skill. If you could see how well he reads words that he has learned, you would understand my frustration. It really is quite impressive. I just wish that he could identify the sounds that the letters make. Now, we're drilling with flashcards. It just isn't so fun for him.

I don't want the boys to hate school. I want it to be fun. I want them to grow up being fascinated with how things work. I hope I'm not doing more harm than good.

Peace Out,
Mom

Fun at the Bridal Bazaar

2009-01-17T21:32:00.000-08:00

This pic is of by best friend and I at the Bridal Bazaar. This is the cool thing that she's going to do at her wedding in July. There will be a photo booth, and people will get in there and take fun pics. It comes out in doubles and one set goes into a scrap book that the guests sign next to their pic for the newly married couple. I think that is such a fun idea!

This will be my first time as the Matron of Honor. It should be a blast!

Peace Out,
Mom

Adoption

2009-01-16T18:31:00.001-08:00

We finally got the report back from the social worker. She gave her thumbs-up for the adoption to go through, so now we need to call the juvenile court in ten days. For step-parent adoptions, it's pretty straight-forward, and it should go very quickly. All we need to do is go before the judge and sign the papers together. Then, we have a big party! I'm so happy! ;-)

Peace Out,
Mom

Things That Make You Go Hmmmmm...

2009-01-11T10:35:00.000-08:00

My husband and his cousins had a falling out. I don't really know what happened, but I think it had something to do with us buying our house. Let me esplain...

My hubby and his cousins were very close. They moved out here to SD together in the 80's. They lived together, helped each other out, and eventually, they watched each other get married and start families. I was in one of the cousin's weddings, and he was in ours. They were close.

Well, a few years before we were ready to buy a place, one of the cousins studied to become a real estate agent. It was a great time to get in, as the market was shooting through the roof. He did it for a few years, and then moved on to his next business venture. He does this often. He's now a truck driver, and in the past, he operated two car garages. Anyway, it is about that time that we were ready to look for a place. Cousin was very involved in the new business, although he was still licensed to act as our real estate agent. However, my son's teacher was a real estate agent and she was VERY helpful. She hooked us up with some funding, and she drove us around on the weekends to all the places in our price range.

Now, cousin knew that we were looking at places, but he just didn't have the time to help us look. So his solution was this: He wanted us to find the place with our friend, and then when we decided on a place, let him make the offer so that he would get the commission on the place, this leaving my friend high and dry. Wait...What???

Yeah, he wanted her to do all of the work and he wanted to get paid for it. My answer: Hell to the No! That would be taking credit for all of someone else's hard work. This deal would make the real estate agent at least 5 percent. We bought our house for about 400k. Do the math-that's a freakin' lot of money!!!

So, after that, we lost touch. We would call, they wouldn't answer. They stopped calling us and we didn't see them for quite some time. Then, my hubby's dad died and we saw them at the funeral. It was bittersweet. I was so happy to see them, especially their girls, but I was a little annoyed that all of that time had passed without getting all of those hard feelings out. I thought the death would bring them close again. It didn't.

Then two weeks ago, the cousins' mom died. My hubby went back for the funeral and they talked again.

Now, I am getting ready to go over to see them all for the Chargers game today. They have never discussed why they don't talk. They are trying to move on by pretending that it didn't happen. I think that's bullshit. I'm a firm believer in talking it all out and fixing it-not covering over it and pretending its not a mess.

So I get to try to make nice with the wives and commence the small talk, all while wondering whether I'm going to say something that might trigger the fight again...I just don't know what that might be.

Peace Out,
Mom

Acting

2009-01-08T00:06:00.000-08:00

I was watching the movie Marley and Me today with my mom and I was marveling at how well Jen Aniston plays the "mommy" role. She was a natural. She was very maternal and frustrated and loving, all rolled into one (when warranted and at different times, of course). Then, it got me thinking about Steve Martin. He has played a father in some of my favorite movies-Parenthood, for example. And similar to Jen Aniston, he doesn't have children of his own. However, he plays a great dad.

So why did I start thinking about all of these actors who play parents, without kids of their own? Well, I was wondering just how much of our parenting is an act. Are we mirroring our behaviors on what we think is right because that's what we see other parents doing? How much of our parenting is learned from other's behaviors? Please, don't get me wrong, I'm not challenging anyone's genuine love of the kids, but are there times when we really don't feel up to it, yet we shake it out, like we're prepping for a role, and give it our best grammy-winning performance?

I started thinking about my own performances-like when I had a large snake dropped in my lap by my niece and nephews as the kids looked on, and I grinned and pretended that the slithering creature didn't scare me just a little bit. Or all the times that I pretend that my little scribblers are the next Rembrandts. I mean, that is an act, right?

Again, I love my kids to death, but there are those moments when I'm just not feeling the moment, but I ACT like I do.

Just some random thoughts on a Wednesday...

Peace Out,
Mom

New Years Resolutions

2009-01-01T19:33:00.000-08:00

1. Stop trying so hard to do everything

2. Find focus...I really do think that there are so many people and causes that need our help. I think that it's everyone's duty as a human on this earth to go out and lend a hand somewhere. I also think that it is something that you should feel passionately about. That being said, I hear so many voices and so many needs screaming out for help, and I am really having a hard time focusing in on a cause where I could really help. After hearing Ben Skinner talking about the slave trade, I was heartbroken and wanted to help. After reading about all of the people dying due to hunger and malnutrition, I wanted to help. I want to help kids who need a home or someone to talk to...like I said, I need to find focus.

3. Get more organized. My older boys need some help with school, and the only way that I can do that is to get organized and put us all on a schedule that we can follow.

4. Get healthy. I'm not going to drop the "I am going to lose weight" bomb, but, well, I'm not so young anymore and this body needs an overhaul...you know?? :-)

5. Have fun. This life is short. This year, in the past three months, my husband has lost an uncle(in Oct), and aunt(one week ago), and a cousin(today). His uncle left behind a very sad wife and kids. His aunt left behind a host of children and grandkids, and his cousin, after losing his mother the week before, decided that he didn't want to fight his illness anymore and stopped taking medication. (The aunt and uncle weren't married to each other-it was his mom's sis and another aunt's husband). You blink and another year passes. Since my FIL's passing and my mom's near miss, I've learned to thank God for every day that I have and not take advantage of that blessing. I also say yes a lot more than I used to. That really makes a big difference.

6. Value my job and my home. Times are TOUGH! So many people around us are losing their jobs. I am not going to complain about mine. ;-)

7. Hug. I am going to just hug everyone more. That sounds like fun, doesn't it??? ;-)

That's all for now. Happy New Year!!!! Have a great 2009!!!!

Peace Out,
Mom

Silly Rabbit...

2008-12-22T21:39:00.000-08:00

The damn rabbit ate through the bottom string of lights. (Don't worry, the lights weren't plugged in, and she's fine.) I haven't gone out to buy another string of lights yet so only the top third of my tree is lit up. It looks really stupid.

After all the work I've done finding my Christmas spirit...

Peace Out,
Mom

Adoption

2008-12-15T09:43:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is a big day. We will be one step closer to one big, happy family. Well, we've been a big, happy family for a long time now. However, tomorrow, we are going to see the social worker for our final interview in the adoption process. My husband is adopting the big boys and we will soon all have the same last name!! :-)

I know, it's not all about the name. Really, I know. It's about the boys and my husband belonging to each other and getting what they've wanted for so long. It's about that final letting go of bad memories and hurt. Their name is attached to someone who hurt them so deeply, someone who neglected their feelings and their need for love.

I can't wait until the meeting with the judge. While I had hoped that it would be before the new year, I'm thinking that the judicial wheels turn a bit slower than I had hoped. :-) Oh well, it's going to happen.

I couldn't ask for a better Christmas present.

Peace Out,
Mom

Happy Face

2008-12-10T09:07:00.000-08:00

I asked my youngest son this morning what he was planning on doing in school today. He said that he was planning on getting a happy face.

I think that should be everyone's goal for the day-to get a happy face.

Peace Out,
Mom

So Awesome!

2008-12-03T08:03:00.001-08:00

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-27T10:23:00.000-08:00

I have so much to be thankful for, but mostly, I'm thankful that I have such a great family...

Peace Out,
Mom

The Oldest

2008-11-17T08:58:00.000-08:00

Well, I've taken most/all of his privileges. He doesn't have his cell phone, the PS2 is gone Mon-Friday, and he can only go to a friend's house once a week, on the weekend. He also doesn't have use of the computer, unless it is school-related. There are other things in place, too. For example, he is required to do homework every day at the table with us for one and a half hours. If all of his hw is done, then he reads at the table. He has read more novels in the last couple of weeks than I have seen him read in years.

I know that all of this won't make much of a difference for this grading period-there are only four weeks left. However, all of these things need to be in place so that he can start the next grading period off right.

I am torn with him because really, if he would just do okay in school, the boy would be damn near perfect. He's funny, good-looking, and a really good big brother. He doesn't talk back, and doesn't give me any grief-except with the school work.

I also don't want to be super-strict. I am not that kind of mom. I can't be with him forever. He needs to learn how to take responsibility for his own actions and deal with the consequences if he doesn't make good choices. Unfortunately for him, that may mean taking these classes in intercession or taking this grade over. Maybe that will wake him up.

Peace Out,
Mom

Shifting Focus

2008-11-08T11:17:00.001-08:00

So now that the elections are over, I'm going to go back to talking about the jumble of craziness at home.

My oldest son is slowly trying to kill me. We got progress reports on Halloween, and his grades have dropped even further, which I didn't even think was possible. He was kicked off the cross-country team and he is now required to attend math intervention on Mondays, Fridays, and Saturdays. When we talked to him, he didn't have any kind of attitude at all; he just seemed resigned to the bad performance. He said that he just doesn't feel like doing homework.

So how do you deal with a boy who is so smart, but is the first to admit that he's just lazy? How do you motivate him?

We have changed around our schedules so that after school, we are always home when he is, and we have taken away all video games during the week. He is required to do homework for at least an hour after school, and all of us sit at the table together to do it.

Still, I got a call from his math teacher saying that he still isn't turning in his work. If he's doing it, why isn't he turning it in???? He says that he forgets.

I am just at the end of my wits with him. I'm so frustrated. I consider myself a good mom, but when it comes to what is happening with his grades, I am a complete failure. I just don't know what to do.

Peace Out,
Mom

Yes we did!

2008-11-04T22:52:00.001-08:00

I never thought that it would happen in my lifetime. We have elected the first African-American President!!!!! Yes we can!!!!!! I am so proud of us! :-)

Peace Out,
Mom

VOTE!!!!!!!

2008-11-03T18:54:00.000-08:00

It is so very important to get out and vote!!!!!! It is both your right and your responsibility.

Although we don't always agree, I encourage you to vote for whomever you choose to vote for-even if it isn't my guy.*cough*Barack Obama*cough*
Do it!!!!! Vote!!!!!

Peace Out,
Mom

image borrowed from http://antsinmepants.blogspot.com/2007/05/save-kitten-vote.html

Say "No" to Inequality and Discrimination in America

2008-11-02T10:42:00.001-08:00

If you are in California, Vote No on Prop 8!

On the Brink...

2008-10-25T13:29:00.000-07:00

Last year, around this time, my heart was racing as I felt the dread of losing my home to the fires that were raging through our county. We, with anxieties mounting, watched the news as our community members grabbed loved ones and precious belongings and fled into an angry, flaming night, fearing for their lives. We were lucky. While we did get the news that we should be prepared, and we could see the flames tickling the hills near our home, we were safe. Our van sat five feet from our back door, loaded with a bag for each of us, our wedding pictures, insurance papers, and food and shelter for our animals. We were convinced that we weren't worried about losing our home, as long as our family was safe.

Now, a year later, that sense of anxiety is mounting again, but this time, it's because those around us are losing their jobs and their homes. You might have heard that Mervyns filed for bankruptcy, but what you might not know is that my mom and all of my adopted "aunties" have worked for Mervyns for 20 plus years.

The news is replete with businesses closing their doors, or employees getting laid off. If you're like me, you watch the news with a small tinge of sadness, thinking about how all of this will pan out. I know that I thought of those faceless employees and thanked God that I wasn't affected by the jobless situation.

Now, even though it hasn't yet permeated my small corner of the world in the same way it has affected others, I feel the pain and angst that plagues my mom and her friends-my aunties. These are women who don't have "formal" education. They worked their way up the ladder like so many women their age have done.

They worked in a retail store, where they began as a cashier or a stocker. They worked very hard, and proved themselves to be worthy of promotion after promotion, suffering through small raises and slave labor until they finally reached the level where they were given the opportunity to be managers and make a good salary with benefits. They reached middle age when their kids moved out and they could enjoy their salary by finally taking vacations and enjoying their husbands. They were also able to buy gifts for their families and enjoy the years prior to retirement.

Now, all of that hard work is gone. *poof!* Their 401ks are just about worthless, and they are all in their 50's, not yet ready for retirement, without a job. So without that "formal" education, and being the age that they are, what's next?

I've said before that my mom is one of the strongest women I know. She's smart and an extremely hard worker. If our country's economic situation wasn't in the dire straits that it is in now, I wouldn't be so worried. She deserves better than this.

The flames are tickling my ankles and the anxiety is mounting. It may be time again to hold everyone close and send up a prayer.

Peace Out,
Mom

Just some sticky note fun...

2008-10-21T07:45:00.000-07:00

Work, Work, Work...

2008-10-16T08:19:00.000-07:00

I wish that I could be independently wealthy. That would be fantastic. I've mentioned before that we work a lot. I'm not complaining. It was our decision to buy this house, so we need to work to keep it.

My middle son's friend lives down the street from us. Well, we live in a condo, so he lives in the next building over. A couple of weeks ago, I saw his mom at the school and she told me that they were going in to foreclosure. She is a stay-at-home mom with three kids. The oldest is in middle school with my son, the middle daughter is in kinder, and the youngest is three. Her husband works during the day. She told me that he was working a lot and he was really stressed out all of the time. So I asked her why she didn't get a night job, a few days a week, that she could work after he cam home at night. She said that she tried that, but she was just too tired. Then, she shared with me that her mortgage is about half of what we pay-for the same sized condo. So this week, they are moving into a small apartment-a two-bedroom because they are short-selling their condo.

Now, I know that many people are facing the fact that they may lose their house. It's a reality. I have a hard time not passing judgement on their situations.

For us, we have asked the bank numerous times to work with us to drop our 4-grand a month mortgage. When we bought the condo, we were assured that after two years, we would be able to refinance for a smaller mortgage payment. I guess no one could have foreseen that the housing market would drop so much that we would lose half of what we bought our house for, therefore eliminating the option of refinancing.

So we work-a lot. I don't want to lose the first home that we bought together. Yes, it's stressful, but it's worth it. I hope.

Peace Out,
Mom

Amazing

2008-10-10T11:10:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, I went to a lecture on our community college campus. Initially, I went because my professor friend was the one who organized the event, and to be honest, the lecturer is a beautiful man. So what drew me in ended up not being the same thing that kept me hooked.

E. Benjamin Skinner is a modern day abolitionist. He wrote a book called A Crime So Monstrous:Face-To-Face With Modern Day Slavery. I learned from this man that there are more slaves in the world today than there ever where at the time when slavery was legal in our country. He shared stories of heartache and horror. He told the audience about being able to buy human life for only 50 dollars in many parts of the world. He told us about a young down syndrome girl who was offered to him for the price of a used car. He told us stories of all of these atrocities that I had no idea were still happening on the level that he describes. And now, I am forever changed.

Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, "History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people." To me, that means that when you know that something awful is happening, if you don't speak out about it, and do something to change it, you are just as much at fault as those who perpetuate the evil injustices. I don't want to be one of those people. And to be honest, after seeing Mr. Skinner, and meeting him afterwards, I just don't think that I can just sit back and let it all happen.

After the lecture, there was a luncheon that I was lucky enough to be invited to. When I met him, up close and in person, he was a very genuine and warm man. I told him that I was honored to meet him. My friend told him what I do and he replied that everything that he ever learned about writing, he learned from an English tutor. And everything that he learned wrong was from an English teacher. Of course, that really made me like him even more. ;-) I asked him what someone like me, just a simple mom and tutor, could do to help. He said that there were organizations that help to rehabilitate freed slaves and they need help with education-learning the basics. Immediately, I thought, "I can do that!"

Now, my goal is to find out what I can do to make a difference-as small as it may be-and encourage my friends to do the same.

You can find information on his book here: A Crime So Monstrous

You can also find information on Free The Slaves, an organization that helps free and rehabilitate slaves, here: Free The Slaves

I hope that the stories, and the plight of enslaved people around the world, touch your heart as much as they did mine.

Peace Out,
Mom

I Got Your Proof Right Here...

2008-10-07T17:23:00.000-07:00

*Jumping up on soap box*

Why is it that people feel the need to forward me emails about miracles that were performed by the common man or woman, with the influence of God whispering, and sometimes shouting, in their ears to influence their decisions? Following these unbelievable stories of coincidence combined with divine intervention, there are always instructions, requiring me to forward to 10, 20, or 40 friends to "prove" that I believe in, or love, God.

Last I checked, God didn't have email. And I don't need to prove to anyone but God that I believe in him-or her, for that matter. Maybe it's the cynic in me, but I know that these emails are fabricated by individuals with wonderful imaginations. Why can't you see that????

*Stepping down from the soapbox*

Peace Out,
Mom

WHAT????

2008-10-02T18:40:00.000-07:00

I'm watching the vice-presidential debate and I'm baffled. They both don't support gay marriage??? What???? I knew that Palin didn't, but.... What????

Peace Out,
Mom

Audible Sigh

2008-09-30T13:11:00.000-07:00

If you need assistance or attention, please don't sit there and audibly sigh. Ask for help! Call your friend and tell her that you need to talk. Reach out to someone!

I am sitting here at work in the Writing Center, and I know that the student next to me is having issues with her computer and she is unable to print. Instead of asking for help, she is heavily sighing, waiting for me to offer my assistance. I refuse! I want to shout at her "Don't be a victim!" Yet, she has now sighed a total of 10 times. I would be more than happy to help if she would just ask...*sigh*

Peace Out,
Mom

George Carlin

2008-09-29T13:36:00.000-07:00

"I worry about my judgement when anything I believe in or do regularly begins to be accepted by the American public."

Ireland

2008-09-28T17:51:00.000-07:00

A couple of years ago, my parents started saving up to take a trip to Ireland. My mom had always wanted to go, and with the kids out of the house, they figured that it was about time.

Then, my sister decided that she makes a lot of money, and her boyfriend wouldn't be able to afford it, so she decided to go with them.

If it were just my parents going, I wouldn't be so f'ing jealous. They've worked pretty hard for a long time. But my sister going with them leaves me at home, a little jealous.

They left this morning and they will be gone for 10 days. I get to take care of their dog.

Peace Out,
Mom

Interesting

2008-09-26T14:11:00.000-07:00

ANCHORAGE, Alaska (Associated Press) -- Seven of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin's top aides are defying subpoenas for their testimony into possible abuse of power by the governor. Palin's Chief of Staff Mike Nizich and six other aides have failed to appear at a legislative hearing Friday into whether Palin abused her power when she fired her public safety commissioner this summer,

Alaska Senate Judiciary Chairman Hollis French, a Democrat, waited 30 minutes Friday before reading a statement that the witnesses could be found in contempt when the full Legislature convenes in January.

Alaska Attorney General Talis Colberg filed a lawsuit on behalf of the seven state workers Thursday challenging the subpoenas. He claims the committee has no jurisdiction to issue subpoenas in the investigation.

Copyright 2008 The Associated Press.

Camping

2008-09-22T09:50:00.000-07:00

We just got back from camping yesterday. We left Thursday evening, so we were up there about three full days. We really like camping together, and despite occasional bickering, we all have a great time.

It was warm during the day and pretty darn chilly at night, but we did okay. The dog went with us and slept with the boys, guarding their tent. We have two tents and we face them toward each other with just enough room to get out in between. The boys all like having their own tent and mommy and daddy like being in their own tent, too! ;-)

We only had minor issues,like little man getting a little burn from a flying, flaming marshmallow. Don't worry, it wasn't serious. ;-) Other than that, it was pretty fun.

We spent one of the days at the falls and the boys had a great time scouting for tadpoles and frogs. The big boys liked giving me a nervous breakdown as they jumped from high boulders into the water. (All I kept envisioning were ambulances and emergency rooms.)

I finished the last book in the Twilight series while I was there, and I enjoyed being away from the phone and computer. But now, I am enjoying being clean and campfire smoke-free. ;-)

Peace Out,
Mom

He's Racing

2008-09-13T15:01:00.001-07:00

His grades barely qualified him to stay on cross country. I was torn between taking him off of the team, and allowing him to race. In the end, I let him stay on the team because he needs to have somewhere to go and keep him out of trouble. We have changed the way that we do homework in this house, and we are working closely with the teachers again. He's a good boy. Other than his grades, I don't have any complaints. He makes me very happy. When he crossed the finish line, he was hurting. It was his very first competitive race and it was just under two miles long. I was SOOO proud of him. My eyes welled up and my heart just burst wide open.
Peace Out,
Mom

Progress...

2008-09-03T08:55:00.000-07:00

The boys got their progress reports yesterday. Not too good. Now, I am trying to be understanding. I mean, they both have moved to the bottom of the school food chain as they have moved up in grade. However, MO brought home a 2.0, which barely makes him eligible for cross-country, and MM brought home a 2.5. Both of them had comments that they were missing homework. ARGH!!!

They are both VERY good boys, and I feel like we have a very good relationship as a family, so I really don't have too much to complain about. That being said, I won't tolerate them not doing their homework. If they are struggling with the material, that's something that we can work with. If they are just not doing their work-that is unacceptable.

I did not take away any privileges, except the play.station. They can't have their play.stations until they go on break in two weeks.(Year-round school)

I actually cried. A lot. My husband and I work very hard so that we can live in a good neighborhood and they can attend the schools that they do. We also work around each other's schedules to make sure that there is always someone home when they are. The researchers say that this means that our boys should be getting straight A's. Damn those researchers.

Peace Out,
Mom

Obama

2008-08-28T22:20:00.000-07:00

His speech was fantastic. In the beginning, I was a Hillary fan, but he's really won me over. I believe in the change that he's promising. To hear his story, his family's story, really, is inspiring. I watched his speech, and saw the look on people's faces, and I thought about the hope that he brings to people. Tears came to my eyes and I, like all of those people in the crowd, and all of the people watching,felt hopeful.
Peace Out,
Mom

Owies

2008-08-26T09:12:00.000-07:00

Last week, I had horrible abdominal pain (mostly on the right side) and was out of action for a couple of days. I am thinking that it was an ovarian cyst. I had one many years ago, and the pain was reminiscent of that incident, and it subsided over time, which is a sign of a cyst. We don't have insurance right now, (don't worry-we're working on it)so I was unable to go to the doc. Also, my period was a bit late and my mind began to wander to pregnancy hopes. As I've mentioned before, my biological clock is ticking loudly in my ear, and I really do want another baby. I know that it's not a good time, and that we work a lot already, but that doesn't stop the yearning. I actually started to feel pregnant, and I was really happy. Then yesterday, my late period started. My husband was happy. And I cried.
Peace Out,
Mom

Back To School

2008-08-22T13:39:00.000-07:00

Monday, the college opened. Because we are in a recession, and because our school's budget has been hacked by at least 15 percent, our writing center won't open until the third week of school. We will also be operating with a skeleton crew and limited hours of operation. I have about ten fewer hours a week than I did last year. It hurts. I am already working a few part-time jobs.

I am working in the college bookstore for the first couple weeks of school until the center opens.

I am also piloting a new Power study group for English classes this semester. I am so excited. I started this week, and it really is a great opportunity for me.

Although I was accepted to the University, I had to put that on hold while we work through the changes that are happening with our family. It is frustrating because I would really like to be teaching classes of my own. Life happens, you know?

I hope our economy pulls out of this slump soon. We've already lost over 150 thousand dollars on our house. We now owe more than our house is worth. Our mortgage payment is over 3300 dollars. Every time we make a payment, a little part of me dies. I think it's the part of me that really wants to go on a Disney cruise. ;-)

Peace Out,
Mom

Visit

2008-08-18T19:54:00.000-07:00

The visit with the MIL went better than I thought it would go. Since my FIL passed away, she hasn't had any contact with his family. They don't invite her over, and she isn't included in any festivities or family get-togethers on that side. Although she denies it, I think it hurts her feelings. So I think that she really wants things between us to be different. I like her. I love her son. ;-)

We went to get a family portrait done, and we included all the grandparents. It was pretty fun. My mom and dad are so awesome. I'll post the pics when we get them!

On Saturday night, we all had dinner at my parents' house. It was really a good time, and we all laughed and played Monopoly. I really was sad to see her go on Sunday.

The only reason that I was happy to see her go is that I finally got my bed back! Without a spare room, the MIL slept in our bed, and my hubby and I slept on the couch. I'm getting too old for that! ;-)

Peace Out,
Mom

Freedom

2008-08-12T16:20:00.000-07:00

My oldest, along with being incredibly smart, is also incredibly handsome. He knows this. For some reason, he thinks it is okay if he slips in his studies, as long as he has a cushion of friends around him waiting to socialize. We are diligent in our efforts to contact his teachers-weekly, and we require him to sit at the table every day for at least 30 minutes, with us, to do some sort of homework or studying. Despite this, he still fails to turn in homework, but continues to do well on tests. I am exceedingly frustrated.

Yesterday, my husband was driving home from picking up the middle son when he passed MO ditching cross country practice to hang out with some girls near the school. On my way home from work, I went by the field where all of the cross country runners congregate to find the coach. He revealed to me that MO had also missed a practice last week.

He came home at the normal "after practice" time and I asked him how practice was. He answered with the expected "good!" So from there, I told him that he knew. Instead of yelling, I calmly told him that we were revoking all of his privileges. Everything. Until further notice. I talked more to him about it later on when we had some alone time.

I think back to when he was born and everything that I ever wanted for myself went right into him. Everything and anything that I ever wanted for myself was transferred right over. I called him my little prince. He's in the midst of teenagerdom, and I know some of this is just a phase. In the grand scheme of things, he is a freakin' awesome kid. I know that he will turn out okay, I just hope that he isn't forced to pull himself out of too many sticky situations that he gets himself into. But then again, he may learn a lot from those sticky situations. ;-)

Peace Out,
Mom

Parenting Lessons I've Learned

2008-08-09T23:52:00.000-07:00

"If you want your children to improve, let them overhear the nice things you say about them to others." ~Haim Ginott

Me-I want my kids to know that I have faith in them. If I can't believe, no matter how much they may screw up, that they will make something of themselves one day, who else will? No matter what, I know that they are wonderful, loving, and brilliant boys. And I tell them, and everyone else around me, every day.

"The guys who fear becoming fathers don't understand that fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man. The end product of child raising is not the child but the parent." ~Frank Pittman, Man Enough

Me-This works for moms, too. ;-) I am a better person because of my children.

"Parenthood is a lot easier to get into than out of." ~Bruce Lansky

Me-I've thought a lot about this lately. I can't imagine wanting out of this wonderful, chaotic experience. I don't understand anyone who willingly starts, or joins, a family wanting to get out-emotionally or physically. I am their parent-No matter what they do, no matter what happens, I am there for them. I can't take a break from this job. The end result will be that I am proud of the young men that I have raised. Along the road, there will be tears, shouting, angry words, and hurt feelings. That's okay. It's called a family. I'm not checking out. To balance out that heartache, there will be joy, love, pride, and accomplishment. It's all worth it.

The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life.-Richard Bach

Me- Our family is not the "average" family. But we are awesome. My husband loves and cares for each of these boys equally. Even though a couple don't carry his DNA, they have his heart, and in the end, that's all that matters.

Peace Out,
Mom

Judgemental

2008-08-07T09:57:00.000-07:00

I can be very judgemental at times. I know this about myself, and I accept it. I can't say that it is something that I'm working on because really, it is just who I am.

When you are my friend, I love you fiercely, and I would do anything to protect you. However, if you hurt me, I can be angry and vengeful with equal ferocity. At the same time, I get over things quickly. My emotions are worn all over me, and I'm not good at hiding what I'm thinking or feeling.

I guess the reason why I am spilling all of this out is because I often say what I'm thinking or write it out. It's not that I don't think before I speak; that's not it. I do think about it, and what comes out is what I truly feel. I know that I can hurt people sometimes, but I would expect those close to me to tell me when I'm doing something stupid.

My mom asked me once why I have a blog, and she commented the other day that I wouldn't put all of this out on the internet if I didn't want people to read it. I guess that's true. I have this blog to vent, and to connect to others who are venting. When I post about things that are happening, I expect people to comment, either favorably or inauspiciously. I don't expect everyone to agree with me. That would be silly. But I do hope that, whether you agree with me or not, you keep coming back. Dialogue is what makes people think, and that is so effing important.
Peace Out,
Mom

The Oldest

2008-08-06T11:36:00.000-07:00

My oldest has decided to run cross country this year instead of football, which makes me very happy. He is very fast, and his body is made for running.

Everyday, when he gets home from practice, we ask him if he has any homework, and to that, his usual reply is "no." Yesterday, I asked to see his binders. Then, I told him that I would be emailing his instructors to check on his progress. At that point, he broke down and started to cry. He said that he is having problems in his second year Spanish class, and is just not understanding. He was afraid to tell us. That sucks. I told him that we just want him to succeed, and we want to make it possible for him to do that. I recommended that he go to his counselor tomorrow and ask if he can move down to Spanish 1-2. He's afraid that if they make the change, they will change all of his classes and he won't be in classes with his friends anymore. I can understand that, since it is his first year of high school and would definitely be stressful if he was alone in that big school.

I wanted to go to the school on his behalf and talk to the counselor myself, but he wanted to do it himself first. The next step is me going over there. I hope that this works out for him. His tears made me sad and brought back my high school issues. It sucks to be a teenager.
Peace Out,
Mom

Homework

2008-08-05T15:57:00.000-07:00

My little man (kinder) has so much homework that we are doing it for at least two hours every day after school. He has an albhabet workbook that he has to color and cut out pictures from magazines for every day-one letter each day. He also has a homework packet that is sent home on Monday and due Friday. This packet consists of 11 worksheets that vary in activities from cutting/coloring to writing. He also has a family activity that is due every other week. He also has a book that he checks out every week from the library, which comes with specific instructions for us to do with him each day. Now, I am not against homework. I like doing homework with him; I really do. However, he is just a little dude. I don't think that this much homework is necessary in kinder, especially since he is only in class half day-three hours. We are doing more work at home than they are doing in class. It really is time-consuming. Am I being a bad mom because I am complaining about sitting at the homework table for three hours every afternoon? Or does anyone else think this is A LOT of homework for a five year old????
Peace Out,
Mom

Just Another Day at Work...

2008-08-03T21:54:00.000-07:00

Remember...On the weekends, I work at my sister's dog grooming business in Downtown San Diego. This is just another day at the office...

Finally...

2008-08-03T21:39:00.000-07:00

I bought a Dell computer about a year ago. I am somewhat satisfied with my computer, but my battery started just freaking out right as my warranty is set to expire in two weeks. I decided to go with the tech support online option tonight when I got home from work. And to my utter surprise, they are sending me a new battery! Wow! I have been dealing with them with another issue for about a year now, and I pretty much hate them, so this is a nice surprise. Seriously. I hate them so much that when a rep calls my house, I tell them how much their company sucks and that "no, I don't want to renew my warranty because Dell is an awful company who doesn't deserve one more red cent of my hard earned money because you are all awful people who work for an awful company. I hate you all!!!!" But really, I', glad they were helpful this time and will be sending me a new battery in 2-3 working days.
Peace Out,
Mom

Issues

2008-07-31T16:58:00.000-07:00

So...I'm having issues with the layout. I changed it again, and now when I try to change it to a third-party html layout, an error code comes up. I am frustrated.

Update:
I think I've settled on this one. At least it got up okay, right? Whatever. I'm done playing with it for a while. It took up too much of my time because I was pretty much obsessed with it. ;-)
Peace Out,
Mom

Blinking Red

2008-07-31T11:30:00.000-07:00

They are doing construction in the intersection in front of my condo complex. I can only turn right now, which is a total pain in the ass. Also, there is a blinking red light where the stoplight used to be. Now, I assumed that everyone knew that the blinking red means that you treat it like a stop sign. You stop, and then proceed. Every single g'damn day, I am amazed at the people who breeze through it without even slowing down. And accident is inevitable.
Peace Out,
Mom

Mother-In-Law

2008-07-30T20:24:00.000-07:00

My mother in law will be coming for a visit in a couple of weeks. This is her first visit out here in about three years-since we got married, and her first trip out alone. She hasn't made the trip out here since my father in law passed away two years ago. We know now that when he came out here, he already knew he was sick. At the time, no one knew. So he came out here, and his health began to decline, so he cut his trip short and went home. He died three months later. I think she connects his illness and his trip out here. I hope her trip goes well. I hope we all get along. I'm sure it will be fine. Really. *sigh*
Peace Out,
Mom

Under Construction...

2008-07-29T22:39:00.000-07:00

Please be patient with me. I was trying something new. I didn't like the blogger layouts, and I don't know any html, so I'm just goofing off. Let me know what you think. I don't like how the text sits right next to the border in the posts, but I'm not sure how to fix it. What do you think? Do you hate it? Honestly. Let me know what you think. I think it might be a little too my-spacey.
Peace Out,
Mom

The Purple Dog and the Missing Tooth

2008-07-28T19:47:00.000-07:00

On the weekends, I work for my sister at her dog grooming place downtown. Yesterday, we decided that my dog needed a makeover, so we jazzed her up a bit. Now, before I start getting hate mail...it is a temporary pet dye, intended for pet use and very safe. It will be gone in about two weeks. Don't worry. But really, doesn't she look pretty cool??? :-)

AND, last night, my little man lost his first tooth while eating an apple. We had been waiting for days for it to come out, so we are sooo excited! :-) Isn't he cute? Coincidentally, tomorrow is his very first school picture day. Awesome!

Arch

2008-07-28T12:41:00.000-07:00

The highlight of my Missouri-aka Misery-trip was the trip to the St Louis Arch. It was very interesting, and I can now check it off of my list of things to do. To get to the top, you have to ride in a little pod that feels very much like an escape pod from a "Star Trek" episode. It only seats 5 people-snugly. If you are claustrophobic, it isn't a good place to be, as it takes four long minutes to get to the top. However, it was a lovely view from the top-I could see the Mississippi river, the ballpark, and their county building. Anyway, been there, done that.

Baby

2008-07-27T22:11:00.000-07:00

I want one. I have reached that age where my biological clock is taking its final turn. I just want one more. My hubby does want one, but says that we can't afford it. Logically, I know he's right. We work hard enough. We are in a recession for God's sake. BUT, when we can afford it-because there will be a time when we can-we will be too old. Or my eggs will be too old.

There are babies everywhere! Everywhere I go they are just cooing at me, and willing me to make one to join them in their baby games. Yeah, I'm delirious.

I saw a woman on the plane with her newborn son, and she was staring down at him while he was staring up at her with that intense baby stare. That baby stare that says "You are it. You are the only person in the world that I love." Complete adoration. No, it's not that I need that. I have a whole lot of love coming at me, really. I just feel like I have more love to put out. Damn this biological clock ticking in my ear!

Peace Out,
Mom

Missouri-part dos

2008-07-24T19:27:00.000-07:00

Well, I got back Tuesday night. It was a very interesting trip. Like I said, I went for my dad,so I did accomplish that. My aunt did indeed wear another pair of bootie shorts and another tank top to the funeral and cemetery. But this time, she wore some closed-toed shoes. Such class! Two of my uncles wore jeans, and one of them had his shirt unbuttoned just about to the navel. All that was missing was the gold chain. AND, the man kept flirting with my sister and I. His nieces. He is the father of over a dozen childern that he has no contact with. Yeah, a real winner. And gross. I kept hearing banjos playing in my head. It was just one thing after another.

Now, I need to also say that I love the country. I love the simple life and I respect people that live on the land and work with their hands. However, please don't live up to every hick stereotype that city folk put out there.

It was over a hundred degrees and 94 percent humidity the whole time we were there, so when I got home, I had never been so happy.

More stories to come. :-)

Peace Out,
Mom

Missouri

2008-07-21T08:46:00.000-07:00

My granddad died a few days ago. He was my dad's father. When my mom called to tell me, she described how sad that my dad was. It was at that point that I knew I had to go to Missouri with him. My mom and dad flew out Saturday morning, and my sister and I flew out Saturday afternoon. After a layover in Phoenix, my sister and I arrived in St Louis with a three hour drive ahead of us. Thank God there was a White Castle open all night, since we arrived at midnight and had an issue at the car rental place. So we started our journey at 1am. We got to the hotel at about 4am, and slept only until about 8:30. The viewing and masonic ceremony was yesterday, and the funeral is today. It is always interesting being around this family because we never see any of them. And really, I was somewhat disowned when I had a baby with a black man and married him. Noone is saying anything outright, but I know its there. I keep reminding myself that I am here for my father, and that's it. But there's a small part of me that wants to hit someone. I'll write later about my aunt who wore bootie shorts, a white shirt, and glittery flip-flops to the viewing and ceremony. Yeah, wow.
Peace Out,
Mom

First Day for Little Man

2008-07-16T21:40:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was his first day of Kinder, but the parents stayed all day. Today, he went all on his own. Wow. I didn't cry like I did when my oldest went to Kinder. Maybe I'm an old veteran now. I got this school seperation anxiety down. It wasn't until I was driving away in the minivan that I realized that the van was so very big and empty. And I also felt so silly talking to myself.
Peace Out,
Mom

Back To School

2008-07-14T09:14:00.000-07:00

Today, MO and MM went back to school. MO went to his first day of high school, and MM went to his first day of middle school. Tomorrow will be the first day of kindergarten for Little Man. This is a busy back-to-school time for our family with a lot of transitions for us to work out, which is why I took the summer off from the Writing Center. We have to figure out what our schedules are going to look like and how we are going to handle it. I really wanted to keep little man out of daycare this year. However, that's going to be pretty hard. Here in wonderful San Diego, kinder is still only half a day. He will be going to the afternoon class, which means he goes from about 11-2. Not too long, right? I need to get my schedule at the Writing Center worked out so that I can drop him off, and work for a while, and be home for the big boys. My wonderful husband did homework with them all last year and I think he's a bit burned out. I'm better at that sort of thing. ;-)
Anyway, I'm trying to not worry about the big boys at their new big schools. I really hope MM makes friends. Psychologists say that the most difficult transition for kids is the one between elementary school and middle school. They are going from a small group of kids that they've known for 7 years to a huge pool of kids from all around. Ugh! Still, I'll try not to worry too much. :-I
Peace Out,
Mom

Boy Shenanigans

2008-07-09T23:20:00.001-07:00

Summer

2008-07-09T10:48:00.000-07:00

The fair was pretty fun. My hubby and I took the little man over to ride a few rides in the kiddie area and then we looked at the exhibits and ate a few fattening things. The fair food is so effing good; it's ridiculous. I probably clogged a couple of arteries. We let the four big boys run amok in the ride area and checked on them periodically. It was pay-one-price day, which means you p;ay 30 bucks a piece and ride all of the rides. They had a great time. I figured that it was better to let them run around and ride than be subjected to watching them ride those ridiculously scary rides. :-)
Like I said in the last post, I knew that I would be picking up our little visiting friend on Monday. I did, and we still have him. I'm taking them to the beach in about 10 minutes. We also have an extra boy. So again, I have five boys. I must like to abuse myself. D informed me Monday morning that he's moving back here. He says that his dad hits him and his mom said that he could move back. I'm so glad that he's moving back, but I'm so sad that he has to volley between two bad choices. WTF??? His mom doesn't live in a very good part of town. I proposed to my husband that he stay with us Monday through Friday so that he can get a good, safe education. I don't think my husband wants to think about it. We are struggling with a huge mortgage and feeding these growing boys as it is. I just wish I could do more for him. I feel like it's my job. I don't know, maybe something will come to me.
Peace Out,
Mom

Fair

2008-07-03T21:36:00.000-07:00

I took five boys to the fair today. I'm so weary.

The boy who is visiting from Chicago will be staying with us at least through Saturday. When we called his mom this morning to ask her when she wanted him home, she said we could keep him until we got sick of him. I told her that we wouldn't get sick of him, but we would be dropping him off Saturday because I have to work this weekend. I will be picking him up again Monday morning because if I don't, she wil take him to daycare. It makes me sad for him, but I'm glad to have him. He's pretty awesome.
Peace Out,
Mom

Many Boys

2008-07-02T13:05:00.001-07:00

Today, I have five boys in my home. I will still have those boys when I take them to the County Fair tomorrow for "Pay One Price Day." One of them is a boy from our old apartments that often comes to visit. His mom said it was too hard to raise him, so she shipped him off to Chicago to stay with his dad. When he comes back to San Diego to visit, he calls us when his plane lands and is usually at our house within a day of arriving. He then usually spends most of the time at my house. I love him. I have told my husband many times that I would adopt him if I could. I picked him up last night. He arrived Monday morning and spent Monday and Tuesday in daycare. He is 12, almost 13. His mother kept his little brother living at home, so she sent D to the same daycare that his little brother is at while she's at work. She didn't take any time off from work. WTF???? He comes about every six months or so, and every time, she doesn't take time off from work. When he's here, she doesn't call to see how he is, and she always expresses gratitude. When he's not here, I have passed her in the halls at the college, and she pretends that she doesn't know me.
I know that I am not a perfect mom. Believe me, I know. I screw up. However, I can't imagine shipping my son off and then not taking time off when he visits. It makes my heart hurt.
The other boy lives across the way and his mom works a lot. So he is here every day and a lot of nights. He calls me mom. I kinda love him, too.
I always wanted more kids-I just didn't realize that they would come to me as boys, on the brink of manhood. I want them all to grow up to be responsible, loving men. I feel a responsibility to all of them to teach them the importance of education and responsibility. I want them to know that it is important to love and care for each other. It's hard being a woman in a sea of burdgeoning testosterone.
Peace Out,
Mom

George Carlin Quote

2008-06-30T15:00:00.000-07:00

"Expressions I Question"

In your own words:

"You hear it in classrooms. And courtrooms. They'll say, 'Tell us...in your own words...' Do you have your own words? Personally, I'm using the ones everybody else has been using. Next time they tell you to say something in your own words, say, 'Nigflot blorny quando floon.'"

Late

2008-06-20T20:00:00.000-07:00

We are always late. My husband is more guilty of this than I am, although he would probably argue. I am tardy for things when it is not important to be on time. He is tardy when it is important. He is late going to the movies, and other things that have a set start time. I am late when we are supposed to be somewhere at a time that ends in "-ish". Tonight, we were supposed to go to the movies with my family. My dad was very excited about seeing "Get Smart" because he loved the TV show. It started at 8. It is now after 8 and my husband is still not home. He thought we could get in after it started. On a Friday night. The night the movie came out. Riiight. So we are not going. The kids are disappointed, and so am I. Maybe I am just tired because I worked all day and came home to dishes overflowing in the sink. Whatever.
Peace Out,
Mom

ps. There is nothing worse than an overflowing sink full of dishes where someone has dumped the wet coffee grounds in the sink. Icky.

Happy Father's Day!!!

2008-06-15T21:43:00.000-07:00

What can I say about the men in my life???

Growing up, I was in a female-dominated world. It was my sister and I and my mom, and then there was my dad. I know that he was sick of the period talk, the emotional roller-coasters, and the boy-crazy teenagers in his house. My dad wasn't always able to express himself, and I remember one time when I was younger, after he told me to do something, I told him that his voice sounded like finger nails on a chalk board and I didn't want him to talk to me anymore. For a week or so, he didn't talk to me; he left post-it notes all over the house. It made me crazy! Yeah, I missed his voice. So even if he didn't always act conventionally, he always taught me something. He taught me that learning and knowledge were important and he encouraged me to find the fun in the pursuit of the answer. When I went through some of the hardest times in my life, he was just there. He didn't intervene, but made me learn it on my own. I love my dad. He is such a great man. He is a wonderful father-in-law and an awesome "boompa."

Now, my honey. I know that since his father passed away, father's day is especially hard. It breaks my heart. I hope that he knows that he is everything that his father wanted him to be. Not just because he is a great businessman, but also because he is a fantastic husband and father. Even though he is very tired, he helps the boys with their homework and takes time to play. He takes the boys to the park and stays up in their rooms with them to watch them master their video games. He is firm and strong, and the boys are so very lucky to have them in their lives. He provides everything that they need and he is the reason why they will all grow up to be awesome men.

Happy Father's Day to the men who enrich my life everyday. I love you!

Peace out,
Mom

Anniversary

2008-06-04T10:48:00.001-07:00

wedding
Originally uploaded by not-so-normal-mom

Yesterday was our third wedding anniversary. We rock!

I've known him since I was 16 or 17. I first saw him when I went to meet my mom for lunch at work. He was going up the escalator and my mom said "See that guy? Stay away from him."

Yeah, that pretty much encouraged me to find out what she was talking about. I got hired at the department dtore for the Christmas season when I was 17. When I turned 18, and he was 26, we had a fling. It didn't last too long, and we both moved on.

I moved on to my not-so-wonderful ex-husband and had two kids. After suffering in that relationship for about four years, I moved back home with my two very young sons and got a job at the same department store, but at a different mall. There, I ran into J running a coffee shop. We started dating soon after and took it real slow with the boys.

We've lived together now for over five years, and we have another little man added to the mix. He is an awesome husband and an amazing father.

Like any marriage, we've gone through a lot of crap together. We have even pissed each other off quite a few times. It's not easy all of the time, but most of the time it is. I love, love, love him. He makes me so happy and I am having such a great time experiencing this chaotic life with him.

Happy Anniversary to us!

Peace Out,
Mom

Happy Mother's Day!

2008-05-11T11:18:00.001-07:00

mom in hawaii
Originally uploaded by not-so-normal-mom

What to say about my mom...

My mom pretty much rocks. She's pretty, smart, and funny. She is very fair-minded, even though when I was younger I shouted "That's not fair!" at her enough times! ;-) She makes me laugh. She's a great grandma to the brood of loud boys, and she almost always has purse-candy. ;-)

When I was younger, and going through those teenage years, we fought. Not because she was mean, but because she wanted to keep me safe. It took getting older and having kids of my own to realize that she was right.

When I was pregnant the first time, I was very young and the father of my baby was an idiot with no job and really, not very much hope. My mom was crying, and I was angry because she was crying. I wanted her to be happy about the baby. I will never forget what she told me that night. She said "for the rest of your life, this is your baby. He will leave, but the baby will always be yours." At the time, I was filled with righteous indignation. Now, I realize that she was right.

When you become a mother, that baby is yours. No matter what. It is amazing to me that I feel that momma tiger come out so often when I feel my cubs are in danger. I know that my mom felt that when she heard that I was pregnant. She wanted to protect me from what she knew was coming.

Of course, it all worked out. Now, I'm married to a great guy and my mom really loves him. So really, I rarely see that momma tiger come out in her anymore. ;-)

On this day, I also think about two years ago when I almost lost my mom. When my dad called to say that she was going to the ICU, I scrambled to get dressed and rush off to the hospital. My husband was on his way to the house, and I was trying to get it together so that I could drive up to the hospital. As I was getting ready, I found myself putting on jewelry that she gave me. I realized that I was putting all of these things on as some sort of amulet to protect me, or to protect her, or maybe to link us in some way. I wanted her to be protected, and I thought that if I could just find the one thing that would work, everything would be okay. I know, it's strange. On the way to the hospital I realized that it would be hypocritical of me to ask God to save her. At the time, I hadn't been to church in quite some time and I didn't want to be the kind of person that only looked to God in times of trouble. All I could do through the tears was look up at the sky and just say "please. No."

She made it through and is back to her old self; and I like her. Through all of this, I learned what life is about. It's about living for today and spending time with the people you love. You unever know what's going to happen!

Anyway...all of this to say that my mom is awesome, and I really don't know what I would do without her. We don't always agree, but in the end, does that even matter? I love her so much. What I learned from her is that once you have a child, everything in your life is done for that child. Everything.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom. And Thanks.

Peace Out,
Mom

Howling Boy

2008-05-08T21:00:00.001-07:00

ironic...he's afraid of spiders

2008-05-07T22:06:00.001-07:00

ironic...he's afraid of spiders
Originally uploaded by not-so-normal-mom

This picture is hilarious to me because he is horrified of spiders. He is so horrified of spiders that he will not enter the bathroom if there is one in the corner: He'll go upstairs to the bathroom instead. The mean voice in my heads wants to blow this picture up and hang it on his wall, then he would be scared of himself. I think that would be so very funny. ;-)
Peace Out,
Mom

Things That Make You Go Hmmm...

2008-04-27T16:44:00.000-07:00

Is it a coincidence that the price of gas is going up astronomically high at the same time that the government is sending out checks to stimulate the economy? Hmmmmm...

Just a little conspiracy theory to get you thinking...

Peace Out,
Mom

Birthday (Boy?)

2008-04-14T22:02:00.001-07:00

100_0793
Originally uploaded by not-so-normal-mom

So MO's birthday was the end of last month. We didn't make a big deal about it because last year was the big 13, and this year, he just wanted a couple of friends over to swim and eat pizza. So that's what we did! The boys were pretty good. My son is now 14 and just on the edge of boy and young man. His voice is so deep, and he is as tall as I am. He's so helpful and witty...he's really damn sarcastic, but it's great. I look at him and I remember when he was born. I remember all of my hopes and dreams for myself being poured in to this little man. I am so proud of him. He could do better in school, of course, but overall, he is pretty darn great.
When he was born, my sister had the local radio station play "Here Comes the Sun" by the Beatles and every year, I play it on his birthday. Every time I hear that song, I think of him and all of the wonderful things that make him such a great guy. So Happy Birthday my big man. You make me so very proud.
Peace Out,
Mom

More Specific...

2008-04-08T21:40:00.001-07:00

It is what it is....

This is my least favorite phrase because I know someone who overused it and used it incorrectly. I feel that this phrase should only be used when it really is an unchangeable situation. If it is something that can be changed and should be changed, then we shouldn't just shrug our shoulders and say basically, "oh well!" Say, for example, that your husband is abusing you...this is not the time to say...

It is what it is....

Or for example, when you are failing a class because you aren't doing your homework. This is not a time to say...

It is what it is....

When it is raining, this is, indeed, a time to say...

It is what it is...

Because, in fact, you can not change the situation.

I'm just tired of people shrugging their shoulders at things that should be changed.

Peace Out,
Mom

My Least Favorite Phrase

2008-04-02T23:30:00.001-07:00

It is what it is.

What does that mean, exactly? I think too many people are saying this, and to quote one of the best movies of all time (Princess Bride): "I don't think it means what you think it means."

Peace Out,
Mom

My Oh My

2008-03-27T20:30:00.000-07:00

You know, I want to believe that people really have my best interests at heart. I want to believe that they really aren't just gossip whores or that they really don't want to just watch my heart shrivel up and die right before their eyes. I also would like to believe that everything happens for a reason and that everything will work out in the end as it's supposed to. I also very much would like to believe that the world is a good place and that people will do the right thing in the end. I have decided that all I can do is just push on through and keep my mind in the game. It's all about how you handle difficult situations, right?

Peace Out,

Mom

Grassroots Movement

2008-03-15T12:24:00.000-07:00

In the last post, I said that the other company got the recommendation from the ASO (Associated Student Organization) and they were moving forward with it. After doing a little research, we found out that it had to go before, and be approved by, the student Senate before it went on to the Governing Board. Well, after the students started hearing about it, and people expressed the distaste for what was happening, a grassroots movement built up on campus. Over 1,200 signatures were collected on my husband's behalf. We went down to the Senate meeting with the collected sigatures, and amazing amount of supporters, to give a speech and stop the vote of approval from being accepted by the Senate. After my husband read the speech that we wrote, and after I read comments about my husband that were posted about my husband on the school newspaper's site, and after all of us were crying a bit, the Senate voted to NOT accept the recommendation of the ASO.

Of course, that means the process may start all over again. We are kind of in a waiting game to see what happens now. The ASO has the option to either start all over again or just pick us. I don't have very much faith in them just picking us because I think their little egos are bruised. However, now I now what not only my husband and I are capable of, but what our student, staff, and faculty supporters are capable of. Now, the students and everyone else on campus are aware of what is going on, and they will have a voice in the process. I have hope again.

The most important thing that happened out of all of this is that we are so very proud of our friends. This was a very heartwarming experience. All of their support was amazing and that's why there were so many tears at the meeting. Just looking around and seeing all of those faces of people who love us was just so very powerful. It really felt good. Now, we are just hoping that the ASO makes the right decision next time.

Peace Out,
Mom

Wow

2008-03-07T23:23:00.000-08:00

So...
The business fell through. We took a huge risk, and it didn't work out. We are going to generate a petition, and that's really all we can do at this point. This is an awful thing. Everything is going to change, and I'm pretty scared. I know that we are hard workers, so I shouldn't worry about what will happen. No matter what, we will be fine. I just really love that campus. It is such a part of our daily lives. We've mourned with these people, celebrated, welcomed babies, learned, and shared with these people. I would like to say that I hate the place, but the truth is, I really love it. That is exactly why it hurts so much. It hurts that they aren't rewarding loyalty or someone who really cares. Really. I'm sad. These last couple of weeks have pretty much sucked, and I feel so drained. Just empty, really.
Peace Out,
Mom

Slipping in the Louvre

2008-03-04T15:40:00.000-08:00

My friend just told me that when she was at the Louvre in France, she slipped while walking up a marble staircase to view the "Winged Arm of Victory." She feel down a number of steps and she said she couldn't believe that she fell in the classiest place on Earth. My response was, "That's what you get for wearing flip-flops to the Louvre."

Peace Out,
Mom

And then he was gone...

2008-02-26T23:33:00.000-08:00

My middle son ran away Saturday morning. We woke up and there were signs of a break in, and when I checked on the boys, he was gone. I screamed and moaned so loud, calling for him, that my oldest woke up and cried. We called the police, my parents, his friends, my sister, and his teacher. All of them converged onto my home in a panic at 7am. I have never in my life been so scared. At the time, I thought someone had taken him; I never imagined that he would want to leave. He was found a short time later by my dad at the walm*rt by my house. He had spent over 300 dollars in cash purchasing a GPS, a mess kit, a camel backpack, and other survival gear, and no one stopped him. Yeah, an 11 year old kid buying survival gear with that much cash when the store just opened is no cause for alarm.

He has been bullied at school all year. We have gone to the school many times, and while the teachers are very supportive, the Principal is not. There are two boys that spread gossip and try their damnedest to ostracize my son. They pretend he has a disease and encourage others to do the same. He has a few friends, but ultimately feels alone. Although we have gone to the school many times, nothing was done. It kept happening. My son is able to defend himself physically, but because he is the nicest boy in the universe, he is unable to understand why these boys would talk about him like this. He has the most tenderest of hearts. He says he ran away because he just couldn't take it at school anymore, and we were making him go there.

The fact that my son felt so desperate, and felt that we couldn't/wouldn't protect him, shreds my heart. I have been crying every day and trying to come to terms with how I failed him. We are still talking about it and I kept him out of school on Monday. I talked to the principal about it, but she is continuing to act like a politician instead of focusing on the needs of the school. These boys need to get the f out. My son isn't the only one being hurt. There are others. I'm tired of living in such a PC world where we tiptoe around the rights of bullies and punish those that do the right thing. I don't give a SH*t about these boys. Get them out and let the rest of the school get an education in peace.

When we asked him how the boys should be punished, he said that he didn't want them to be punished, he just wanted to be left alone. Why can't they just leave him alone? My heart hurts.

Peace Out,
Mom

Stress Piled on Stress Piled on...

2008-02-19T22:46:00.000-08:00

The masses were sick for the last couple of weeks, and they are just starting to come around...And I am feeling a tickle in the back of my throat. I don't have time to get sick!!! I have a Spanish project due, an exam on Friday, work piled upon work, and my hubby and I are bidding for a new business. This is put-your-balls-on-the-table time. This is the time where it all changes. No matter what happens, our life is going to change. God willing, things will go the way that we want/need them to go. If not, there we will sit...at the top of sh*t creek without that trusty paddle. Ouch. No matter what, this is the time in our family that will go down in history as the best thing we could do for ourselves, or the "what were we thinking?" moment. These are the moments in life that you both dread and long for. This is one of those make-it-or-break-it times. Damn, I'm hoping that we make it.
Peace Out,
Mom

Sickness Abound

2008-02-11T23:22:00.000-08:00

My house is again, an infermary. I had two boys home sick today, and it looks like the little man will be home with me tomorrow. These are the days when I wish I worked somewhere that paid to be out sick. I can't wait until I'm officially a grown-up with benefits. Maybe one day...
Peace Out,
Mom

Update: Tuesday morning: I have the little man home with me and the middle son, too! They are playing rotating sickness!!!!

Quote of the Day

2008-02-08T22:18:00.000-08:00

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." ~Elizabeth Stone

Peace Out,
Mom

Just.So.Tired.

2008-02-06T23:22:00.000-08:00

I have way too much going on right now. The pitch went okay. It will take a few weeks to know anything, but when we do...I will post more. My hubby was sick during the pitch, so we were a little discombobulated, but what can you do, right? My middle son came home from school early yesterday and stayed home today because he is sick. So both of them were here in our makeshift infirmary while I was at work. I am feeling a little achy myself, but I'm fighting it off. I don't have time to get sick right now. Friday, I will have a little reprieve. I hope everyone out there in the universe finds that moment where they can just exhale ever so slowly, close their eyes, and feel a sense of calm-if only for a moment.
Peace Out,
Mom

Pitching

2008-02-03T21:49:00.000-08:00

We're pitching a new business tomorrow. Send up a little shout to whomever you believe in to help us out. This could be life changing, and we really need it.

Peace Out,
Mom

Group Work

2008-01-30T18:42:00.000-08:00

It sucks. The problem with taking a morning class at a JC is that all of the people in the class are young. In my Spanish class, which is the third semester and a little difficult for me, we are required to do a skit that is part of our test score. We are supposed to write it up together, memorize it, and present it to the class. We were only given-total-about 10 minutes to work on it in class, and the rest should have been done via email. My group mates, who are both about 18 or 19, and I , decided to break up the work and communicate via email to finish the project. It is due tomorrow and after sending out numerous emails, I still haven't received the rest of my groups' work. It's due tomorrow morning at 9am. It is now 7pm. This is gonna suck.
Peace Out,
Mom

update: It is now 9:30, and I still haven't heard from them...
update 2:It is now 6:30am and I never heard from them...
update 3:The girl tossed me her part on a piece of paper 10 minutes after the class started and said that her email must have screwed up her replies because she was sure she sent it. Are you effing kidding me????

Hand-Holding

2008-01-27T16:04:00.000-08:00

We went to Sea World yesterday. It was really fun! ;-) My hubby didn't go because he was at work, and my sister didn't go because she was at work, but her boyfriend went with the boys, my parents, and I. We saw a few shows and walked around a bit. Really, we just meandered, but it was pretty fun.

I was walking behind my parents at one point and they were holding hands. I flashed back to being a little kid in the same place-walking behind my parents at Sea World. Sometimes my friends would come with us, and we walk straggle behind my parents and they would walk in front of us, holding hands. They would be whispering in that grown-up talk that was just their own language-something that we wouldn't understand. I would feign embarrassment, and my friend and I would moan about how embarrassing it was to walk behind two grown adults acting like teenagers in love. Oh the horror!!!

But really, I loved it. I loved that my parents were still in love. My parents, unlike so many of my friends' parents, were still very happy together and actually enjoyed spending time with each other. They hugged and kissed, and they even shared a laugh or two with each other.

Yesterday, I looked at them holding hands. They are still very much in love, still whispering things to each other and looking back to check that we're keeping up.

I can only hope that after 33 years of marriage, my hubby and I are still holding hands and murmuring words of love in each other's ears.

Peace Out,
Mom

So I Did It

2008-01-23T19:59:00.000-08:00

I applied to SDSU. Hopefully, I will be starting in the Fall when my little man begins Kindergarten. I only need 33 units to get my BA, and it should only take me three semesters if I go full time. I hope I can pull it off. I've been waiting a long time for this. I'm really nervous about making this jump at this age. I know a lot of people do it, but it's a little unnerving. It's about effing time; that's all I'm saying.

Peace Out, Mom

Martin Luther King, Jr.

2008-01-21T11:36:00.000-08:00

Back in September, I posted my favorite Martin Luther King, Jr quote. I thought today would be the day to do it again. It's so very wonderful to know that, in my lifetime, I will see an African-American President. I would like for it to be Obama, but if not, there will still be an African-American President in my lifetime. A woman president will be not too far behind. Maybe a woman Vice President, and an African-American President. Wow, that would be fantastic.

Here is my favorite passage from Martin Luther King, Jr:

"The hour has come for everybody, for all institutions of the public sector and the private sector to work to get rid of racism. And now if we are to do it we must honestly admit certain things and get rid of certain myths that have constantly been disseminated all over our nation.One is the myth of time. It is the notion that only time can solve the problem of racial injustice. And there are those who often sincerely say to the Negro and his allies in the white community, "Why don’t you slow up? Stop pushing things so fast. Only time can solve the problem. And if you will just be nice and patient and continue to pray, in a hundred or two hundred years the problem will work itself out."There is an answer to that myth. It is that time is neutral. It can be used wither constructively or destructively. And I am sorry to say this morning that I am absolutely convinced that the forces of ill will in our nation, the extreme rightists of our nation—the people on the wrong side—have used time much more effectively than the forces of goodwill. And it may well be that we will have to repent in this generation. Not merely for the vitriolic words and the violent actions of the bad people, but for the appalling silence and indifference of the good people who sit around and say, "Wait on time."

Peace Out,

Mom